The Four Phases of the Healing Process

Today I’m going to share a client’s story that illustrates  the four phases on the healing process: find it, face it, feel it, and finish it. This story does all of that and more. It is Linda Paquette’s story and it is told in her own words. Linda now lives in Seward AK and operates a series of cabins called Angels Rest. For those of you looking for an exotic vacation spot in unsurpassed beauty Linda’s place has that beauty in spades. It’s got to be one of the most peaceful and inspiring places on the planet. Check out the pictures at They will take your breath away.

Now here’s Linda’s story in her own words.

I first started having troubles with my back when I was in college (ʹ72-ʹ76). At that time I was a skier and as I recall the first time was after a ski trip and something between my shoulders wasnʹt quite right. I had a friend whose mom was a nurse, and she ʺcrackedʺ my back and all was well. However as time went by those types of occurrences would increase. Every time I moved for example (and of course college kids move a lot!). Later I also had a very small girl friend, and Iʹd get her to walk on my back to put things back. My back problems are never a huge issue and usually I could get someone to put it back when needed. I never had to see professional help at that point. Time passes and I moved to NYC and was managing a chic gift & candy store. On Valentineʹs day in ʹ81 I had to lift and set down a huge, heavy jar full of candy, multiple times. The next day I could barely walk, sit, bend over. I had a herniated disk in my lower back, but it took a while to find that out because the store didnʹt have any medical insurance and neither did I; nor did I have any $ for a doctor. So, the owners sent me to their chiropractor that they loved, and he helped a lot, but he also said I needed to stop working and lay in bed for about a month. Which, of course I could not do. So, time passes and I donʹt get better, gradually get worse and by the end of April Iʹm hospitalized and put in traction for three weeks. At the end of the three weeks I felt really well and could walk painlessly when they sent me home. I left within a few days on a cross country trip to Michigan to start a new job (I had actually at that time discovered my dream to move to Alaska, and while I had not been able to land a job in Alaska, I had been able to find a job in Michigan, which I figured was a good preview of what an Alaskan winter would be like (since MI actually has worse weather than AK), and would cut my distance to travel when I did get a job in AK. I either walked too much before I left on the trip, or the sitting on the trip did me in; either way, I got as far as my boyfriendʹs parents house in Ohio (he was driving) and was a goner. Couldnʹt walk, bend over, sit, etc. Went to their favorite chiropractor who helped some but not enough to get me better. There was no way I could care for myself, nor start my job in MI; so my car and the trailer full of stuff we were towing all went into a storage unit and I flew to California to stay with relatives until I was well again. Basically a month there not doing anything and I was well enough to get around. In Michigan I found a chiropractor right away and started by going several times a day, every day, 5 days a week. I was really ʺtweeked.ʺ Heʹd get me all good and by noon or evening Iʹd be out again. Months of this went by and then years, gradually weaning back to once a day 5 days a week, to 3 days a week to once a week, once every two……eventually, by the time I came to see you, it was about once a month or two. BUT, Iʹd go home just about every day and have my husband crack my upper back. Iʹd just go to the chiropractor when my lower back would be out which was the serious part (even back then, the back problem had involved the right hip, sciatica down the right leg, etc.), the upper part was easy to take care of at home. Time passes which brings me to my introduction to you and our first session.

My husband and I had friends that we normally spent most of the weekend with. One Friday night the wife, Jan, wanted to go to see a healer doing a talk at Michigan State University. (Iʹm thinking this was right around ʹ90 or ʹ91?) The healer, she told me was good at healing present day problems through past lives. I had gone to a psychic several times and believed in past lives. I have from my first memories, as almost a baby, the deepest sense that I was looking for someone (a man). I will jokingly tell people

I was disappointed by the delivery doctor, because in the womb I was sure HE was THE ONE I was to find. Thatʹs how far back this sense of ʺheʹs out here somewhere, I just have to find himʺ goes. So, the past lives part was a no brainer and going with her made perfect sense to me; I was and still am very curious about how all of this ʺstuffʺ that life is made up of works! (I have a long history of psychic~ness myself and to this day wonder if Iʹm supposed to do something more than I do with it). So, we attended. It was held in a large room in one of the upper parts of one of the older buildings on the north side of the MSU campus. I remember being surprised at how many people were there; AND how during the course of the night you were able to elicit such incredible emotional reactions out of the group.

Iʹm not one for letting my hair down to such an extent, in public, and you managed to get a huge room of people all crying and wailing and some laughing in a hysterical manner. My friend was one of those, and because of my reaction to her reaction I was unable to let loose with the rest of them. But I was all the more curious! So, at the end of the evening I put my name on the wait list for a private session. If you were able to touch those people in a public session, I very much was interested in seeing what we could do in a private session. My friend signed up for the next day, when you were having a small work group of pairs of people (as I recall). I couldnʹt see myself letting loose to that extent even in front of a small group of people.

As I recall I got a call on Monday at work that you could see me Tuesday; there had been a cancellation. I remember as I parked and walked up to the house in the neighborhood behind Frandor how strange I found my behavior. Here I was walking into a house of someone I didnʹt know to meet privately with a man I did not know, with no one else around and at that point, my husband not even knowing where I was. (I certainly donʹt think I could have done such a thing if I were still living in NYC for example.)

Sachsenhausen Concentration Camp, Oranienburg, Germany

So, in I go and you had a massage table or the like set up and nice music and I laid down and you placed your hands on my abdomen and your breath caught and you said ʺyouʹve been through the warsʺ with an incredible amount of compassion in your voice, and I BURST INTO TEARS!!!! I was overcome with the feeling that ʺfinally, someone who knows me.ʺ Shortly thereafter you coaxed me to describe the images I was seeing and a movie came forward of me in a Nazi concentration camp, in love with a Nazi officer who was using me yet at the same time claiming to protect me. My ʺjobʺ was to carry the dead out of the gas chambers and throw them in the pits/piles of other bodies. His promise to me was that as soon as he could he would get me out of there. My back problems all came from these activities, the lifting and carrying, or dragging when I could not lift (but the officers didnʹt like me to drag them, the wanted them carried). My back finally gave out on me, and I was no longer able to perform my job; my ʺboyfriendʺ was unable to protect me, and I was eventually stripped and gassed. My dying words were ʺit isnʹt fair, it isnʹt fair, it isnʹt fair……ʺ

Immediately I realized my entire life, one thing that had always caused me much pain and heartache were acts of un-fairness. It was always deeply upsetting to me, my entire childhood and adult life when things would happen that werenʹt fair. I used to meditate on ʺno where is it written hat life is fairʺ as a way to try to overcome this huge issue in my life. Suddenly, that all fell away. I no longer had a problem with fairness.

Secondarily, and it took a little while for this to become clear; I no longer asked my husband to crack my back and my visits to the chiropractor dropped to once in a year maybe; usually after some precipitating incident, like a move, or a badly designed desk/chair setup.

Finally, the whole ʺheʹs out there Iʹve just got to find himʺ all suddenly made sense to me. Iʹd always imagined a guy in a uniform; and here was a guy in a uniform. Plus, to follow the hole past lives thing through, it would have most likely been the very last life, since I was born in ʹ54. Interestingly enough, my first husband was German, liked to dress up in his band uniform, and looked A LOT like the guy in my vision…..

It was, as I have the numerous people to whom Iʹve shared this story ʺthe best money I ever spent!ʺ

Self love: Part 2

When we experience real self love there is no more fear and self-doubt to limit us or tie us in knots. As our capacity for self-love grows our inner power increases. Our confidence grows. When we have self love we become highly magnetic and attract those things that support and enrich us. Everything becomes much easier.

Soul Wounds

Beyond our historical conditioning, what factors prevent us from experiencing self love? Basically, what precludes us from developing more of a capacity for healthy self love is the same unconscious plague that prevents us from achieving other positive things in life. That plague is the hidden emotional toxicity in our bodies. This toxicity is the product of how life has wounded us, not only in this lifetime, but in prior lifetimes as well. Unconscious toxicity is the antagonist of self love. If we don’t clear our trauma during the lifetime in which it happened, the energy of that wound is warehoused in our soul for later resolution. When we incarnate again, that same wound, in the form of blocked energy in our soul, returns with us. These “soul wounds” activate past patterns from other lifetimes that we have no conscious recollection of and no conscious connection to. In other words, the trauma keeps happening all over again even though we’re in a new body and a new life. These wounds are hidden, extremely virulent, and dangerous to our well-being. This toxicity creates divisions in the psyche and  fragments us,  making self love impossible to achieve.

The Big Lie

Unconscious negative patterns throw us into a life of self-denial and unhappiness. They cast a shadow over our lives and conspire to convince us that we are less than who we really are. This is the big lie our wounds and karma have instilled in us. Its existence and continued persistence in our lives is clear evidence that we suffer from a lack of self love. 


A popular way to deal with unconscious negativity is through the repetition of affirmations. Unfortunately, affirmations have no real impact on the blocked emotional energy hidden in our bodies. They are like putting a band aid on a heart attack. They allow us to wallow in the comfortable delusion that we have taken care of the problem when we have not; that we have changed the schematics of our subconscious when we have changed nothing; that we have alleviated our suffering and created self love when we have done anything but.

The negative ego, which controls unconscious toxicity, is not at all affected by affirmations. In fact, the negative ego loves it when we use affirmations. It would rather have us employed in useless actions thinking we’re doing something to control it than in utilizing an effective strategy to defeat it. Creating more delusions will not help us experience self love and elevate our lives.

We only defeat the long reach of our shadow when we take fourfold action.

  1. Find it
  2. Face it
  3.  Feel it
  4.  Finish & Forgive it.

When we clear our unconscious toxicity the power of affirmations will work for us. When we  are whole – and not divided and deluded – we have access to all of our power. When our power is working for us it is easy to create life momentum. Affirmations can then direct that momentum into creating the life we want. Wholeness, self love, momentum and the use of affirmations create a powerful set of factors that will lead us to success and fulfillment.


Self Love: Part 1

A Toxic Moral Code

While we are far removed from the historical era of the Puritans one stream of Puritan thought remains as a stubborn thorn in our collective unconscious. The Puritans of the Seventeenth century adhered to a moral code that at once condemned self-love as a sin while it elevated self-denial as a major virtue. While it is true that self-love can devolve into hubris and excessive pride it is equally true that it may also develop into self-confidence, optimism, and compassion. Regardless of how we choose to view self-love one thing is certain. Self love is the basis of happiness. If we can’t love ourselves we won’t like what we do; we won’t respect ourselves; we won’t have good relationships; and we will be highly critical of everyone and everything around us. We can never please someone who does not love themselves.

 Self Denial

What real good then is to be gained by rigorously conforming to self-denial as a standard of conduct? There are five consequences to self-denial and, unfortunately, none of them are good. Frustration; unhappiness; the loss of personal power; the expenditure of large effort with little result; the failure to become the person we were meant to be. However, these consequences do not condone license and the indiscriminate pursuit of all urges and desires. Far from it.

The Book of Secrets

Manifesting What You Want

A healthy sense of self love is based on self-discipline and a strong moral compass. In the spiritual sense, Self-love is the foundation of Self-Realization. After all, we can’t feel one with all life if we don’t feel at one with our own life. Self-love is an indication that we have cleared our unconscious toxicity, healed our emotional wounds, and become psychologically and spiritually whole. When we are able to love ourselves life takes on an entirely different hue. What was difficult becomes easy. What once took great effort becomes more effortless. Self love is the secret key that unlocks the law of attraction and makes it easy to manifest what we want. When you have Self love you are moving in harmony with your soul.

The Pursuit of Perfection: Part 2

Self Acceptance

The only lasting remedy to the pursuit of perfection is to find self-acceptance. While self-acceptance may sound like a simple solution it is not easily achieved. In fact, it may well be one of the hardest tasks we face in life. The journey to self-acceptance begins when we acknowledge the parts of ourselves we have been trying to avoid; the aspects of our nature that we cannot accept and fear to face. Many of these unresolved facets of our souls are submerged in our subconscious mind and are unknown to the conscious mind, the result of past life traumatic events that we never had a chance to address and heal in the lifetime(s) in which they occurred.

The importance of Clearing Toxic Trauma

To clear these traumas from our system we must find them, then feel and fully express the painful emotions hidden in our body that are associated with these traumatic events until the energy of those emotions have been cleared from our systems. When we successfully clear the negative emotion from our body we will be at peace. Self-acceptance will come automatically because there no longer will be a dichotomy inside of us opposing its emergence. The pursuit of perfection will then fall away because there is no hidden sense of shame and unworthiness to motivate it. When we no longer have to be perfect we can be who we really are. The truth is that life is a lot more fun when we don’t have to be perfect. That’s the magic of self acceptance.

How a Disaster Became a Triumph

I had a client some years ago named Frank whose life had been a disaster. His third wife had just walked out on him after emptying his bank accounts and taking all the furniture from their house.

His mother had been an alcoholic who became very cruel and abusive when drunk. She had continually told him as a young boy that he was so ugly no woman would ever want him. When his third wife walked out on him she left a note saying that he was too ugly to live with anymore.We did several sessions over the course of the next few months and most of the emotional trauma from his childhood system gradually cleared. When it had I invited Frank to come to the monthly healing workshop I was conducting for my advanced clients. There were many attractive women in this group.

Magic happened the first time Frank attended one of these workshops. The women took to Frank immediately. They all wanted to have him work on them. They couldn’t believe the heat coming out of his hands. When it was his turn to be worked on every woman in that workshop wanted to work on him and pour their love into him. It was an amazing confirmation of the fact that when we change our internal dynamics our external experience shifts to mirror those new dynamics. Frank had left the curse of his mother behind him and entered a world where he was ready to receive the love of emotionally healthy and attractive women. He took to his new reality like a duck takes to water. That’s the power of self acceptance.

When we clear toxic emotions we no longer have to be perfect. Instead, the perfect thing will happen without our having to do much of anything at all. Self-acceptance, not the need to control everything, is the real key to perfection.

In my book Just Who Do You Think You Are? I wrote a poem called Resistance and Acceptance that discusses these principles in a concise and clear way.

• What we cannot accept makes us unhappy.

• What makes us unhappy we resist.

• What we resist, we struggle against.

• What we struggle against binds us to it.

• Whatever binds us, enslaves us.

• Whatever enslaves us, shames us.

• Whatever shames us, diminishes us.

• Our failure to accept the way things are lies at the root of our problems.

• Our resistance makes us rigid with resentment.

• It steals our clarity and power, and deprives us of happiness.

• What we cannot accept we draw to us and are doomed to repeat, over and over again.

• What we accept will change, because we have changed.

• When there is no more resistance within us, our behavior will not be polarizing.

• Everything will flow toward balance and harmony.

• Peace will prevail over conflict.

Choose self acceptance and life will be far richer, easier, and more fulfilling. Choose not to work on yourself and clear your hidden toxicity and the principles of conditional immortality and denial of destiny will wreak havoc in your life.

The Pursuit of Perfection: Part 1

Classic Beauty

The Perfect Life

A major problem plaguing many people is the obsession to make the “surface” of their lives a work of perfection. This means perfect hair, perfect grooming, perfect wardrobe, a perfect home perfectly decorated, perfect car, perfect body surgically sculpted, perfect white teeth dentally adjusted, perfect smile, perfect diet. If the pursuit of perfection isn’t part and parcel of the American dream it is certainly the prevalent Hollywood pursuit. However, all that glitters in the quest for perfection is decidedly not healthy.

Unworthiness and Shame

For example, the pursuit of external perfection often indicates deep internal insecurities. When people strive for perfection they are compensating for the fact that they feel far from perfect. In most cases, their motivating impulse is a profound sense of unworthiness and shame. This creates a dichotomy between their desired external image and their toxic internal truth. This dichotomy illustrates the core problem many people have of accepting themselves as they are.

The failure to achieve self-acceptance means that those who are compelled to chase perfection will consistently fall short in their attempts to do so, never measuring up to their own expectations. Their failure increases their sense of unworthiness. Pursuing perfection does not lead to self-acceptance. Instead the pursuit of perfection creates a vicious cycle which deepens the self-hatred endemic in many people while robbing them of their capacity to find peace.

Control Freaks

Additionally, people who strive for perfection often feel the need to control every facet of their lives. However, if life teaches anything, it is that it cannot and will not be controlled. Life can trump any of our plans any time it chooses to. Life was never designed to be perfect. If it was why bother living it? We’re here to grow, change and evolve. You can’t do that without making mistakes. Lots of them. My advice. Forget the pursuit of perfection and focus on self love and acceptance. Life is much more enjoyable if you love yourself and have learned to let go of things you can’t control.

People who exhibit a compulsive drive to control everything around them eventually alienate those they care most about. Trying to control every facet of life is exhausting and lonely. The pursuit of perfection leaves people feeling more frustrated and less able to enjoy life than it did before they began their pursuit of perfection. Your internal state is far more important than your external one. All power comes from within. Never forget that. Focus on what counts – your growth and evolution.

The Ego and Enlightenment: Part 3 The Surrendered Ego

It is impossible to know who we are when we operate in life under the authority of the negative ego. The foundation of the negative ego is the unconscious toxicity and hidden karma warehoused in the subconscious mind. This material forms our shadow and separates us from our soul and true identity. As long as this material remains highly charged we will not be emotionally stable or at peace but restless and unhappy.

The Battle for Supremacy: Which Ego Will Win?

Revolution in the Psyche

The formation of the healthy ego creates a critical revolution in the psyche. The impetus for this revolution is our choice “not to take it anymore” from the negative ego. In other words, we are fed up with living an unhappy, unsatisfying, and uninspired existence. Instead of going along with the negative ego’s control over our life we turn inward and confront the unconscious toxicity hidden in our system. By confronting and clearing this material we re-establish our connection to our soul. Rather than being divided against our self we are whole and united in our being. We can now focus on creating healthy boundaries, building positive and loving relationships, and moving toward our soul’s light.

The Soulmind

As our inner light grows brighter our mind and soul will no longer remain distinct and separate, but merge and become part of a continuum of consciousness. With the advent of the soulmind this merger begins to send an intermittent signal to the spirit above it. As that signal becomes strong and consistent through service and meditation it eventually will draw the brighter light of the spirit down to it. When the spark of the spirit ignites the soulmind we experience the moment of human fulfillment, Self-Realization. It is in that moment that the healthy ego is transformed into the Surrendered Ego.

The Surrendered Ego

The Surrendered Ego is highly intuitive and inner directed. It is creative, joyful, and a channel of unconditional love. The Surrendered Ego is at peace and highly stable. It is free of fear and no longer emotionally reactive. It does not create more negative karma. Rather than engaging in struggles for power someone who has a Surrendered Ego makes everyone around him, or her, better.

The Great Man

The Great Man

In my first book, Journey of Love, I wrote these words about the Great Man, the person who has achieved a Surrendered Ego.

“A great man is driven by neither anxiety nor ambition. He has no desire for recognition or fame. Instead the great man has discovered his true nature and is filled with love. From this discovery his greatness flows.

For the great man life is internally rich and peaceful. He is content. Neither struggle nor conflict stirs within him. Because of his contentment, his activities are filled with clarity and compassion. This is the essence of his greatness.

The great man does not want to be different from his friends and neighbors. Rather, he wants them to be as fulfilled as he is. This is the secret of his greatness.”

Sheila’s Story

Sheila came to a lecture I gave in Rochester NY. At the end of the talk I channeled healing energy to the entire group. The energy was quite strong that night. The next morning Sheila came running into the healing workshop just as we were about to begin. She was nearly hysterical. “ I didn’t sleep at all last night,” she cried. “ Every fifteen minutes I alternated between being freezing cold or burning up. I was sure someone was going to kill me. What did you do to me?”

I really didn’t answer her because I knew the energy had activated a heavy piece of her hidden karma and that the truth wouldn’t calm her down. The burning sensation she had experienced all night was the healing energy mobilizing her unconscious toxicity. The feeling of freezing was the melting of ancient dead energies that had clogged her system and bound her to the past.

What had actually happened to Sheila was amazing and miraculous but she was not ready to hear that. So instead I told her to get on a healing table and we’d get right to work on her. She gratefully complied and lay down on the table. I assigned three people to work with her and told them where to place their hands. Within a few minutes the high spiritual energy that was in that room to facilitate the healings poured through them. Sheila quickly grew very peaceful. However, a few minutes later she became agitated and started shaking and crying. At that point I came over and helped her clear the karmic experience coming up from her subconscious. For the next hour she cried, screamed, shook, burned up, and froze. Finally, the clearing ended and Sheila became deeply peaceful.

When her experience concluded she told me what she had gone through on the table. After the initial sense of peace ended Sheila found herself in another life as a young black woman and member of an African tribe who was being sacrificed as part of a religious ceremony. It was that terrible death that she re-experienced and cleared. She left the workshop that day tired but more at peace than she had ever been.

African Queen

An African Queen

She called me a few weeks later to share two seminal events that had happened since the workshop. In the first case she had joined a small black Baptist church a few months before coming to the workshop. (Sheila was white.) Shortly after the workshop the female minister asked Sheila to takeover the congregation because she had a terminal condition. Before the workshop that request would have seemed strange, but with the revelation of that prior lifetime neither Sheila’s joining a black church nor the minister asking her to lead the congregation seemed to be an anomaly.

In the second case an iridologist she had been seeing asked what she had done differently since her last session. The only thing Sheila could think of was that she had attended the healing workshop. “Well honey,” the iridologist said. “ I’ve never seen so much change in anyone’s eyes from one session to the next. The tumors I’ve been treating you for on the right side of your body appear to be all gone.”

There is no work as important to our development as clearing our shadow. When we clear our toxicity we are no longer participating in postponing our future. Instead we become the active agent of our destiny.

The Ego and Enlightenment: Part 2 The Healthy Ego

It Might Take A While

Building a Healthy Ego

Building a healthy ego represents a quantum leap forward in evolution from the short leash of the negative ego. The creation of the negative ego is an unconscious response to the presence of toxic emotional content in our system. Its mission is to defend us from being repeatedly hurt. Its job is to prevent the accumulation of more toxic emotion in our system. Unfortunately, the cache of toxic emotion already stored in our psyche is highly magnetic and attracts more wounding experiences to us. With each new wound the negative ego becomes more defensive and brittle. Its ability to protect us from  harm is an illusion. All it is capable of doing is sealing off the hurt in our system and discouraging us from healing our lives. If it succeeds in this directive it will shut us down, increasing its power as we lose ours.

The negative ego has three essential characteristics:

1. It is a response to unconscious toxicity.

2. At the core of every negative ego is an inner victim who feels justified in taking whatever action it deems appropriate to “get even” with its antagonist(s).

3. The presence of unconscious toxicity, the negative ego, and the inner victim separate us from our soul.

Separation From Our Soul

Separation from our soul has serious long term repercussions in our lives.  If we are dominated by the negative ego we will not be whole or integrated. Instead we will be subject to repetitive wounding experiences. We will not have access to our real power. We will go through life not knowing who we really are or what our true purpose is. When we are in the grip of the negative ego our evolution is unconscious, slow, and glacial. We are lost and our life will be a failure.

The healthy ego is a conscious response to the predicament the negative ego has placed us in. The healthy ego is in the business of uncovering our unconscious toxicity and clearing it from our system. The healthy ego does not set itself up as the soul’s antagonist as the negative ego does. It is not interested in maintaining its own power at our expense. Rather the healthy ego actively seeks reunion with the soul.

Dark Night of the Soul

Clearing Darkness from Our Soul

Contrary to what you might expect, the first step to creating a healthy ego is not doing yoga and meditation. It is turning within to confront the toxicity buried in our system. Make no mistake. We all have toxic material stored in our subconscious. Some of that material is from events in this life. Often, there is even more content  from other lifetimes of which we are no longer conscious. We must clear it all. Every time we clear a layer of darkness and toxicity from our system we open more of our system to the Light of our soul and build a healthy ego. It is the Light of our Soul that redeems us, makes us whole and forms a healthy ego. As we clear our darkness, the inner victim disappears, the negative ego dies, and the long running nightmare of separation comes to an end.

Barbara was in her mid sixties when she came to me. Her husband had died five years earlier and while she felt that she was over his loss she felt stuck in her life. In her first telephone session I could see that there was still a lot of blocked grief in her heart and lungs. I sent the healing energy via the phone to her chest area. Within minutes she started sobbing and continued to cry for the entire session.

In our next session a deeper layer of her toxicity came up from her childhood. Her mother had been overbearing, cold, and critical. Barbara could never do anything right. She associated love with pleasing her mother. As an adult she became a chronic “pleaser.” She tried to please her husband and her three sons, thinking that was being loving. What it really was a subtle form of giving away her power and allowing herself to be controlled by them.

The Power of Saying No

As Barbara confronted the toxic nature of her relationship with her mother and began the process of clearing it from her psyche many surprising changes started to occur in her life. She found herself spontaneously standing up for herself and saying no to friends and family that had been used to manipulating her through criticism. She no longer cared about pleasing people, but doing what was in harmony with her true nature. Part of establishing that harmony was standing up and saying no to people who tried to use her. Saying no in this fashion is an attribute of a healthy ego.

By saying no Barbara took back her power, established her integrity, protected her budding relationship with her soul and developed a healthy ego.

The Swan: Symbol of the Healthy Ego

Creating Strong Boundaries

When we clear our toxicity, as Barbara’s story suggests, we begin to develop strong boundaries that reflect our integrity. The creation of strong boundaries is an indication that our inner victim has been healed and a heathy ego has been installed. When Barbara stood up for herself she was no longer the victim reacting to being wounded again. Instead she was proactive, taking action to insure that she would not suffer further hurt.

The healthy ego is proactive, learning to stand in its own power and actively seeking greater contact with the Soul. As it grows into itself the healthy ego lets down its barriers, stops being defensive, and learns to love, something the negative ego as it is constructed is incapable of. We will not experience true freedom until we learn to love unconditionally.

The Ego and Enlightenment: Part 1 The Negative Ego

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Light in the Darkness

Everyone has an ego and a negative ego. Being egoless is an illusion. The real question we face is not how can we become egoless but how can we transform the negative ego we do have into a higher level of integration and Self acceptance.

The Negative Ego and The Shadow

The base ego state we all contend with is the negative ego. The negative ego is the outgrowth of the shadow. The unconscious toxicity that forms the shadow feeds the negative ego, gives it its power in our psyche, and eventually raises it to dominance. The negative ego is a unit of separation. Its mission is to separate our mind from our soul and control our life. The negative ego usurps the power of the soul. It is defensive, secretive, and aggressive. The negative ego is not at all self-reflective. It seeks happiness and the fulfillment of its desires in the material world and derides the notion that happiness is dependent on our inner state,- on the nature of our relationship to our soul. When things go wrong the negative ego never takes responsibility for its actions but blames others for its problems.

Negative Ego and the Victim Mentality

When we chronically blame others for our problems we have embraced the role of victim. The victim is self-righteous and feels entitled to take whatever form of retaliation and revenge he deems appropriate. The combination of poor judgment and unethical behavior makes the negative ego a karma generating machine. The longer we let the negative ego remain unchecked the more karma we will be forced to deal with later. Because the negative ego constantly creates karma it delays our evolution and adds to our unhappiness. This in turn leads to a life that is increasingly out of balance and very distant from who we really are. The ever increasing darkness in our psyche that the negative ego produces allows it to become even stronger. While generating karma is bad business for us, it is good business for the negative ego.

Negative Ego and True Identity

If we remain under the negative ego’s tyranny we will never find our true identity. Real identity is stored in the soul, not in the ego. As long as the union of the negative ego and shadow is in force the union of the mind and soul cannot occur. The negative ego and the shadow are the antagonists to growth while the soul and the spirit are the protagonists of evolution. The path to conscious growth begins when we choose to activate the soul and confront the shadow. This choice is monumental and initiates the long and difficult battle between the light and dark elements of our being. The key to winning this war is to take responsibility for our actions, become more self- reflective, and turn within to face our shadow and the toxicity that feeds it until all toxicity is drained from our unconscious swamp. When we “drain the swamp” the negative ego dies and the ego becomes our ally in the growth process not our opponent.

Reflections on the Shadow: Part 5

The Root Cause of the Human Condition

We all have a shadow side that contains the buried emotional toxicity we have not yet faced. That emotional toxicity is the root cause of most of the difficulties facing the human race. The shadow separates us from our soul and brings the toxic emotions of fear, greed, anger, and resentment into our lives. The shadow also rekindles the ancient traumas hidden inside our psyches, causing them to repeat in the present. If those patterns are left unchecked they will repeat far into our future. In other words, the shadow is a karma generating machine that leads to the denial of  destiny. If we do nothing to deter it’s subtle workings, it will continue to do it’s will in our lives until we do.

Personal Peace

Now take a deep breath and imagine yourself at peace. Are any of those negative emotions active when you are feeling peaceful? Of course not, because they are the very antithesis of the ease we all long for. We cannot be at peace and be negative. Yet these are exactly the toxic emotions that dominate the lives of most people. How can the world become a better place as long as  emotional toxicity drives most people’s actions?

World Peace

The world won’t change until we change. If we are to make the world a better place we must establish a conscious relationship with our soul and become happy, peaceful, and loving. Happy people don’t want to hurt or dominate other people. Peaceful people want to serve others and share unconditional love. Unfortunately, the shadow and its emotional toxicity stands directly in the way of a conscious relationship with the soul. It is the great impediment to the expansion of spiritual light on this planet.

An Interesting Case of Emotional Toxicity

When Sean came to me a powerful piece of his emotional toxicity came up during the session. Soon after we started he found himself in ancient Egypt as a slave dragging huge boulders across the desert in a line with thousands of other slaves. During the course of the day’s labor an overseer came by and pulled a woman out of the line just in front of him. He threw her down in the sand and whipped her repeatedly. Sean kept on tugging the rope while she screamed and begged for mercy. She died in the desert sand, her blood staining the ground near his feet. If Sean had shown any emotion or taken any action to try to save her he would have met a similar fate. When he saw these scenes unfolding unexpectedly inside him he began to sob. His sobs lasted a long time. The woman who had been murdered had been his wife. He had never grieved for her then, never released his emotional toxicity. He had been too scared. He was grieving for her now, thousands of years later.

In his current life Sean was a bartender and indulged in a series of one night stands. Commitment was not part of his emotional repertoire. He did drugs to mask his pain. These choices were a direct response to what had happened to him in that past life. That ancient trauma had seared his soul and was very much alive in the hidden recesses of his being. In response,  he had subconsciously created two governing beliefs that ruled his life without his having any conscious realization that he had done so.

Governing Beliefs

The first subconscious governing belief was that if you loved someone they would die, hence his decision to have one night stands in lieu of a real relationship. The second governing belief was that it was safer to stay in the dark than it was to be seen by those in authority. If you were seen you might die. Hence his decision to work in the shadows as a bartender. To complete the cycle he took drugs to mask the pain of an unfulfilled and unhappy existence.

When he cleared that ancient emotional toxicity from his soul his life changed quickly. He left his job as bartender and got a sales job with a prominent hi-tech company. He met a wonderful girl there and got engaged to her. And he gave up his dependence on drugs.

As Sean’s case illustrates, the emotional toxicity in our shadow can fester forever, a clear instance  of conditional immortality. It’s tyranny in our lives doesn’t end until we face it. As long as it exists it separates us from our soul. Every time we clear a layer of our emotional toxicity we close the gap that exists between our soul and our conscious nature.

When we clear our shadow we remove the internal resistance in our lives and accelerate our growth. The result of that acceleration is greater happiness, success, and fulfillment than before. As we continue to go forward and merge with our soul our happiness grows exponentially.

The Secret Laws of the Shadow: Part 4

The Purpose of Life

The real purpose of life is to heal ourselves so we may realize who we are at highest level of our being. While this may sound like a simple task the truth is that the fulfillment of this purpose is anything but simple and the time required to reach this goal is anything but short. The fulfillment of this purpose takes hundreds of lifetimes.

Soul Age

While we are all at different physical ages we are also all at different soul ages. See the work of Holly Coleman for a more complete discussion on this fascinating topic.  Soul ages range from infant, baby, young, mature, to old. Each age has seven levels. Seventh level Old Souls are those closest to Self-realization.

Old Souls

The entire Old Soul level makes up no more than 12 to 13% of the world’s population. Seventh level Old Souls are even rarer, making up no more than 1/7th of that 12 to 13%, or approximately 1.85% of the world’s population. Since the soul age of most people on the planet is heavily bunched in the young and early mature brackets our society embodies the values of young and early mature souls. Image and personal success are more important than healing, compassion and service. Old Souls often feel estranged from the conventional world around them because the prevailing societal values are not in alignment with their own.


Regardless of  soul age we can do much to heal our lives, move forward in our growth, and accelerate our evolutionary process. However, if we choose to live our life within the constraints of conventional values and not work to heal our inner landscape our progress will be virtually undetectable. Our shadow will act as a drag on our progress and both the level of success we hoped to experience and the degree of consciousness we wished to attain will remain beyond our reach. Denial of destiny is the fourth secret law of the shadow. As long as the shadow remains intact the negative ego continues to be the dominant player in the psyche and the soul is excluded from having an uplifting impact in our life. When the soul is excluded from participation in our life there can be no healing or movement toward Self- realization.

However, once we decide to transform ourselves we are in position to change our life. The first task of transformation is to tackle the shadow. We do this in a fourfold process:

• First, we must find the hidden traumas in our subconscious.

• Second, we must face them.

• Third, we must feel and express the toxic emotions hidden in our bodies.

• Fourth, we must forgive those who have hurt us as well as ourselves.

When we are able to take all four steps we heal that piece of karma and deactivate that part of our shadow. This process must be repeated for each layer of our karma.

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Medieval Europe

Sam came to a lecture I gave at Michigan State University. At the end of the lecture I channeled healing energy to everyone in the audience to facilitate their healing. Two weeks later I received a call from Sam. He said that he had definitely felt something the night of the lecture and wanted to see if I might be able to help him heal his life over the phone. For many years he had experienced an acute pain in his back that no form of medicine or therapy had been able to alleviate. He had tried conventional medicine, chiropractic, rolfing, physical therapy, and massage. Nothing had worked. We scheduled a session for the next week. When he called I began by sending the healing energy over the phone to relax him and within a few minutes he was deeply relaxed. As the healing light circulated in his body I was able to see the blocked energy in his back and the cause of it. In another life in medieval Europe he had been a soldier. During a battle he had been run through with a broadsword.

I knew that as soon as I told him what I had seen it would elicit a powerful reaction in him. It did. Just mentioning the word broadsword touched the hidden emotions that were stored in his back. He wailed uncontrollably for the rest of that session as his toxicity  poured out of him. At the end of the session he reported that he was burning up, his clothing was soaking wet, and for the first time in more than a decade he had no pain in his back. The healing had begun.

We did a follow up session a week later. The pain had never come back, he was experiencing more peace than he had ever thought possible, and he was even an inch taller!

When I told him about that medieval life we had found the source of his problem. The healing energy pouring through his system had brought the first three steps of the healing cycle together at the same moment. He found the source of his pain, faced it, and felt it simultaneously. By clearing it completely out of his system he had also achieved forgiveness and completion. Healing the shadow often produces miracles, freeing us to have a deeper, richer, happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life. Sam did.