The Three Forces of Alienation: Fear, Greed and Desire

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Where love rules there is no will to power and where power predominates there love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other.
-Carl Gustaf Jung
The opposite of success is generosity; the opposite of recognition is service; the opposite of power and status are loving relationships. We have enough of greed and success. You become an adult when you realize you are not here to get, you’re here to give.
-Kenneth Blanchard, L.A. Times Oct. 16,2002

The Three Forces of Alienation

Whenever the negative ego rules the psyche, the three forces of alienation, desire, greed, and fear will dominate our emotional landscape and determine much of our behavior. We fall into fear when we fall out of the light. The price we pay for falling into fear is the increased separation of our conscious mind from our soul and spirit. In separating us from our soul and spirit, fear also separates us from unconditional love. When we lose our ability to love unconditionally, greed and desire become the dominant motivational forces in the psyche.

Unconditional Love

While the expression of unconditional love leads to inner fulfillment and joy, the chronic expression of greed and desire leads to frustration and an ever-deeper feeling of emptiness. Where unconditional love elevates and expands our consciousness, bringing us closer to our soul and spirit, greed and desire have the opposite effect. They contract our awareness and widen the gap between our conscious mind and our soul.

How We Become Inauthentic

Greed and desire are fear’s children. The more we pursue the objects of our greed and desire, the farther away from our true nature those pursuits will take us. The farther we travel from our true nature, the more inauthentic we become. As our disingenuousness increases, our fear proliferates. Fear is a closed circuit that leads through greed and desire and back again to fear. Every time we complete that circuit, our fear grows stronger and becomes more entrenched in our system. The stronger our fear becomes, the more powerful our attachment grows to greed and desire. As the three forces of alienation grow within us, we downgrade the importance of unconditional love and mock the reality of the soul and spirit. We then mistake our state of separation as our ultimate reality. When we buy into the belief of separation, we invest our energy in life’s great illusion.

Healing the Soul: The Real Art of Letting Go

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Some years before the Los Angeles training, I gave a seminar in Virginia on Soul Healing. Among the people in attendance that afternoon was a woman sitting near the front of the room who seemed very uncomfortable in her own skin. As I looked more closely at her from a clairvoyant perspective, I saw that the traumatic events of her last lifetime were visible in her aura. She had died horribly in the Holocaust, burned to death in the furnaces of a concentration camp. This woman was in great need of soul healing.

I began the Soul Healing seminar and talked for a while, but my attention kept being drawn to her. I could see that her unconscious toxicity was ready to “pop” and that her inner being had led her to my soul healing seminar so that she could clear those buried events from her system. I could further see that the manner of her death in her last lifetime had cast a long shadow of fear and terror over her present life and that she knew none of this consciously. Finally, I couldn’t bear her pain anymore. I felt that part of my assignment that day was to free her from her unconscious toxicity through soul healing. So I did the only thing I could think to do. I asked her if she would come up front and lie down on the healing table next to me so I could demonstrate how the soul healing process worked.

She looked all around her, terrified of being singled out and separated from her friends. “Why me?” she asked.
“Because you’re ready for soul healing, and I think you’ll be a very good subject.”

“I don’t feel ready.”

“That’s to be expected. People who are ready are in touch with their fear. Your high level of anxiety just means you’re really ready for soul healing.”

“Well, I’m not so sure of that.”

“I understand. Nobody is ever very sure of anything when they are really ready to let go and undergo soul healing. It sort of feels like the rug is being pulled out from under you and everything in your life is suddenly being turned upside down. But all we’re going to do here is find what you’re ready to let go of and then discharge it. So if you can be a bit brave and take a risk, everything will be fine.”

“But…”

“I’ll tell you what. If you feel very uncomfortable at any point in the soul healing process, we’ll stop.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Having a way out convinced her to give soul healing a try. She came up and hesitantly got on the table. I put one hand under the base of her spine, and my other hand under the base of her skull. The energy immediately started flowing out of me into her central nervous system. As I watched the energy flow into her, it surrounded her body with bands of green, blue, gold, and white energy. I could see that the audience was feeling the energy as well. Their restlessness faded away. They became quiet, peaceful, and alert. Within two to three minutes I could tell that Karen was very relaxed. Her eyes closed; her breathing became slow and even. I now moved my hands to her abdomen and her left side where the toxic energy of that terrible death was stored. As I shifted my hands, the soul healing energy flowing from my hands also shifted. It was now a bright, fiery red. Within seconds of the energy shifting, Karen opened her eyes and stared at me in shock.

“It’s Okay,” I said softly, so only she could hear. “Some old stuff from your last life is ready to pop. This is what happens in soul healing. Just make a little sound and it will come pouring out of you.”

“What stuff?” she asked, terrified. I had no chance to respond. With those two words her repressed material came flooding out. She started to cry. Her body shook. She waved her arms and legs frantically, wailed and screamed. After twenty minutes of intense release, her physical movements stopped. Her body became quiet as her system filled with peace. As she shifted from one state of consciousness to another, from a state of cathartic healing to a state of deep peace, the energy going into her changed once more from bright red to pink, lavender, and gold.

I looked out at the audience. The faces in front of me registered fear and terror. “I bet you’re all afraid of getting on the table now.”

They all nodded nervously.

“Soul healing looks pretty dangerous and painful, huh?”

They all nodded again. By this time Karen was back from her experience and had opened her eyes. “Karen, could you tell the people in the audience how you feel?”

“I feel really great. I have never felt as light and peaceful as I feel now.”

“Was it scary and painful to go through that soul healing release?”

“Not at all. I thought it would be, but it wasn’t. Instead, all I could feel was a great sense of relief. I know it probably didn’t look like that, but that is how it felt. It was funny too because once it started happening, I didn’t have any control over it. It just sort of gushed out of me.”

“Did you see any visions or have any insights during the soul healing experience?”

“I just felt like I was being burned alive.”

“Were you afraid?”

“I experienced a brief moment of absolute terror in the beginning, just before that feeling surfaced, but once the feeling of being burned alive surfaced, the sense of terror faded away.”

“Are you still afraid?”

“No. That’s what’s amazing. The fear is completely gone. I feel much lighter than I ever have. What did you see that made you call me up here?”

“I saw that you had been burned to death in your last lifetime, as you correctly felt you had. It was during the Holocaust, and you were incinerated in a concentration camp. That experience was very close to the surface of your being and was ready to be cleared. That’s why I wanted you up here for soul healing. Frankly, it was driving me a bit crazy, and I knew I had to clear it for you before we could go on with the soul healing seminar. I believe you were here today to clear it. How do you react when you see World War Two movies or read about the Holocaust?”

“I’ve never been able to watch anything to do with World War Two or even think about the Holocaust. The thought of it has always tied me up in fear and made me nauseous. Now I know why.”

“It’s always helpful to connect the dots and know why. It’s even better to be free of what has held you back.”

Every time we clear a toxic event from our psyche trough soul healing, we wrest more control and territory away from the negative ego. Each time we clear a toxic event, we expand our light, deepen our inner peace, bring our soul and conscious mind closer to each other, and lead our whole system closer to integration. Facing what we fear and going through some discomfort during the soul healing process is a small price to pay for the freedom to evolve without internal resistance and the joy of becoming the person we were always meant to be.

New York, New York

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WTC Memorial

WTC Memorial

I have just returned from visiting my son in New York where he works for a b2b software company, Lattice Engines, that is experiencing explosive growth. He’s been with them just shy of two years and has already received two promotions. The first promotion was to a company wide position that upper management created to take advantage of his intelligence and skill set. My brother Mark who was a visionary engineer and inventor of robotics equipment used to say that Matthew had a “blue sky mind” like his. Lattice Engines has four offices in the States and a fifth office in Beijing. With his first promotion he was doing work that affected and involved engineers company wide, not just the NYC office. A few months later the CEO and CTO promoted him to a managerial position. He now works with and manages teams of engineers around the country. The company fired a forty something manager and replaced him with a twenty four year old who had never held a management position before. He’s taken it in stride. My son Matthew is getting impressive reviews for his work from upper management. I know, because when I went to his office I specifically asked the VP how Matthew was doing. I guess you’d never guess I was a proud and obnoxious pappa, would you? But that’s why parents go through years of sacrifice raising their children. I can only speak for myself, but it’s the most important job I ever had or will have.  I wish every parent could be as proud of their children as I am of my son. The years of sacrifice were worth it. My son has become a worthy man. Self sufficient, bright, loving, disciplined, responsible and accountable, with a strong moral code and a principled and ethical nature. I couldn’t ask for more.

New York is a heaving city. People everywhere at all hours. The streets are jammed with cars. The sidewalks with people. I engaged people and police in conversation wherever I went. Virtually, everyone I talked to was friendly, happy to stop and talk, and helpful. I went to a bar with my son on Saturday night to watch Stanford play USC. The bar was full of Stanford alumni. Matthew introduced me to many of his friends. They were all friendly and very nice. Before long, the bar filled up with mostly Stanford grads. When  the Stanford team began to assert its muscle and dominate USC the place went crazy. I begged off and left early with a splitting headache. In case you don’t know, Stanford beat USC.  Prior to the Stanford game, USC  had  been undefeated and ranked #3 in the country. Suffice to say, USC is no longer ranked #3 in the country. It fell out of the top 10 completely. Guess which team rose from #21 to #9?

On Sunday we took the Staten Island ferry across the harbor. We passed close to the island where the Statue of Liberty stands. Have you ever wondered where the strange crown adorning the head  of the Statue of Liberty comes from? I can guarantee you it didn’t come out of the mind of the artist who designed the statue. That crown is very deliberate and has a hidden meaning. You will discover that meaning it in my new novel, THE SILENT STEPS OF GRACE. It’s a great read. It will move you. It will inspire you.  It will educate you in many ways. Just go back to the home page on my site www.alanmesher.com and you can purchase a signed copy with a personal inscription directly from me, or from amazon. digital versions are also available from amazon, barnes & noble and apple (itunes). You will find the links for all versions of THE SILENT STEPS OF GRACE on the homepage of www.alanmesher.com.

On Monday Matthew returned to work and I went downtown to see the World Trade Center Memorial. What an ordeal. First I had to stand in line for half an hour to get tickets. Then I had to walk several blocks to the memorial site. Then I had to stand in line for another hal fhour to go through security.At last,  we were permitted to go into the memorial area. At least I met a lovely couple from Tulsa while waiting to go through security. I asked them about Tulsa. They loved it. I said, “I’ve never there.” They said, “if I loved boring and lots of churches I would love Tulsa.” I replied, “Then I have no incentive to go to Tulsa.  I have all that  already in No Carolina.”

The WTCmemorial site was solemn but somewhat disappointing. Two large reflecting pools with the names of those who had died engraved around the lip of the fountains. I said a prayer for the dead and a prayer for the future of this country and moved on. There were police everywhere. It seemed like a full batallion of men and women in blue. Wall St. was completely shut down. They wouldn’t let you walk down it. That’s O.K. It didn’t look like much anyway. Sort of disappointing, like Rodeo Dr in LA. The Occupy Wall st protest was still going on across the street at Zerconi park. Drums were beating, horns were blaring, people chanting, all the while surrounded by news teams and police. It was a zoo.

 

The Stanford Study on Organic vs Conventional Produce

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Stanford University, my son’s alm mater, recently published a study claiming that there were little benefits to be had from eating organic produce and that consumers would be well advised to save their money and buy conventional produce. To which I humbly say “Baloney!”

It ain’t true folks. The Stanford study would have you eat GM corn that is round up resistant and sprayed heavily with Roundup. Since when is ingesting highly toxic pesticides beneficial to your health? And that’s only one tiny but striking example. The Stanford study would have you eating GM foods that are heavily sprayed and laden with toxic pesticides.

However, another study on GM foods found that mice fed a GM diet became sterile in three generations. Isn’t that lovely. Population control anyone?

A friend of mine did some research on the money behind this study. Seems like Monsanto and Dow chemical have been financial contributors and benefactors to Stanford and that some of the lead researchers in this study have ties to the above mentioned corporations. Remember the old maxim. If you want to know the truth, follow the money.

Here’s a link to an excellent article on Huff Post that contests the Stanford study’s conclusions in much greater detail.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/09/13/stanford-organics-study-public-health_n_1880441.html?utm_hp_ref=green

 

The Power of Choice

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Revelation and Redemption

It takes a very bright and powerful light to penetrate deeply enough into our system to reveal these lost, long forgotten, and troubled fragments of our experience. These pieces must be revealed before they can be redeemed. The revelation of our hidden toxicity requires the descent of a higher spiritual light into the depths of our subconscious. That light will reveal what has long been hidden.

The redemption of our hidden wounds requires the ascent of these toxic emotions into the light of consciousness, where they can be faced, felt, and cleared. Only then is the past redeemed and our system cleared of its encumbrances. If we do not heal our wounds, they will continue bleeding, robbing us of our power to be whole. Our wounds block our evolution. They place shadows of fear across our minds. They are the unseen chains that bind us to old agonies and prevent us from moving forward into a better and more fulfilling life. The most powerful and direct way to access these wounds is to focus the higher light of the spirit on the subconscious with laser-like precision and drive these experiences from the darkness in which they reside.

The Power of Choice

Everything that we have not yet worked out of our system must be worked out eventually, either in this life or a future one. The longer we delay that task, the more we prolong our unhappiness. The only power we have over our buried toxicity is the power of choosing when to face it. The sooner we choose to face our unresolved trauma, the easier it is to resolve the emotional blocks that hold us back. When toxic energy is close to the surface, it is easy to find and bring to our conscious mind. But if we postpone our confrontation with the toxic events that are lodged in our system, we unwittingly provide those events with the opportunity to burrow even more deeply into our body. If we don’t seize the opportunity to clear toxic material from our system as soon as we can, that toxicity will seize its opportunity to run as far as it can from our conscious mind. Our toxicity seeks to conceal what we need to reveal in order to regain our balance and accelerate our evolution. By hiding what should be exposed the negative ego maintains its control over our psyche.

If our toxicity remains concealed, our personal power will remain bound up with what has wounded us, and continues to wound us still. When our wounds control us, we have little power. We become more powerless and unhappy with each new wound. Because we lack access to our real power, the focus of our future won’t be found in fulfilling our destiny, but rather in repeating our drudgery. The legacy of failing to act is a lifetime of failure.

The Toxic Soul

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Death and Continuity

Death is no obstacle to the continuation of unresolved toxic soul content. If we fail to clear a toxic condition during the lifetime in which it occurred, that toxic event is stored as a packet of blocked and polluted energy in our soul. When we incarnate again in another life, the toxic soul conditions will return with us. In our next lifetime we may have a different personality, a new look, and a new focus, but we will have the same heavy toxic soul burden to carry that we inherited from our last lifetime. While everything else may be different about us, our soul, and the toxic karma it carries, will be the same.

The unhealed toxic soul wounds from our past life will continue to live inside us, unknown and unheeded. The fact that they are now completely unknown makes them more difficult to overcome. When the unhealed toxic soul wounds of the past travel with us to a new lifetime, they attain a quality of invisibility that compounds the problems we face in finding them. Their invisibility gives them a deep cover. While we can access our past experiences in this lifetime fairly easily, we don’t normally have access to our soul history from past incarnations and the toxic soul wounds that are stored within it.

Revelation and Redemption

It takes a very bright and powerful light to penetrate deeply enough into our system to reveal these lost, long forgotten, and troubled toxic soul fragments of our experience. These pieces must be revealed before they can be redeemed. The revelation of our hidden toxic soul content requires the descent of a higher spiritual light into the depths of our subconscious. That light will reveal what has long been hidden.

The redemption of our hidden wounds and toxic soul content requires the ascent of these toxic soul emotions into the light of consciousness, where they can be faced, felt, and cleared. Only then is the past redeemed and our system cleared of its encumbrances. If we do not heal our wounds and clear our toxic soul content, they will continue bleeding, robbing us of our power to be whole. Our wounds block our evolution. They place shadows of fear across our minds. They are the unseen chains that bind us to old agonies and prevent us from moving forward into a better and more fulfilling life. The most powerful and direct way to access these wounds is to focus the higher light of the spirit on the subconscious with laser-like precision and drive these toxic soul experiences from the darkness in which they reside.

The 7 Principles of Negative Force

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Lao Tzu

There are seven principles of negative force that exert constant pressure on us. If we don’t eliminate the incomplete, toxic emotion from our system, these principles become the power in our lives. They limit our growth and keep us from finding happiness.

The refusal to face the past guarantees its continued presence in our lives. The failure to face what once happened assures that it will repeat itself many times, in many guises, until we finally choose to confront it.

Over five thousand years ago, Lao Tzu, the founder of Taoism, shared this insight about dealing with inner obstacles: “Because the sage confronts his difficulties, he never experiences them.” The wise man never postpones the moment of reckoning. When he confronts his difficulties as they arise, no toxic shadow remains from the past to fol- low him into the future. No ancient blight waits in hiding, only to arise as if from nowhere, to poison his life.

The seven principles of negative force that control our lives until we eliminate our toxicity are as follows:

␣ Whatever we fail to confront steals our power and diminishes us.

␣ Whatever we avoid or deny controls us.

␣ Whatever controls us keeps us from standing in our own power.

␣ Whatever keeps us from standing in our power keeps us from realizing our true self.

␣ Whatever keeps us from realizing our true self keeps us from actualizing our purpose.

␣ Whatever keeps us from actualizing our purpose keeps us from freedom and fulfillment.

␣ There is no time limit on the hidden toxicity of the past. It does not have an expiration date and will not disappear on its own.

If we don’t take action to defeat our toxicity, it will easily defeat us. It does not lose its power to affect us adversely until we clear it. Clearing our emotional toxicity is absolutely necessary if we are to stand in our power and discover who we really are.

How Toxic Shame Begins Part 2

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The Cycle of Adult Shame

The adult cycle of our young man’s imbedded shame begins with his denial that he was invalidated and made to feel worthless as a child. That conscious denial strengthens his unconscious shame and guarantees that he will continue to endure a sense of worthlessness that will gnaw at him incessantly. He will bear a strong sense of inferiority that nothing he achieves can overcome for long.

The same shame that exists in our young man exists in many of us. Those feelings of shame don’t go away with time or disappear with our denial. They don’t melt away because we wish them too. In fact, the more we ignore them and pretend they don’t exist, the louder and more powerful that shame becomes. The more these feelings of shame penetrate our subconscious, the more they control our life. The unconscious shame we try to deaden in our system then, is not really dead at all.

Subconscious Shame

If buried and unacknowledged shame is present in our subconscious, it will determine much of what happens in our lives. Whatever that shame brings into our lives will be detrimental to our well-being. Our unacknowledged shame will deprive us of our true identity and fulfillment and prevent us from integrating the physical and non-physical elements of our system. It will keep us from being whole and balanced. This is the legacy of the path of most resistance.

The Negative Ego

Making matters worse, when toxic shame is present in our subconscious, our ego has a negative orientation. A major function of the negative ego is to keep us from finding and confronting that buried shame. Its job is to keep our shame unconscious. Its mission is to keep shame alive. The only real solution to dealing with unconscious shame is to make it conscious. However, when the ego is negative it will do everything it can to keep that shame buried and unconscious.

Surviving With Shame

Surviving life with toxic shame embedded in our system is far from living life without it. We can survive, we can endure, but until we clear the toxic emotion buried in our bodies, we cannot go forward. We will not find our purpose, our happiness, our freedom, or ourselves. We will just survive and endure, feeling worthless and unredeemable, living life without being fully alive.
For our adult child of alcoholic parents to go forward, he will have to face, feel, and complete all the painful, incomplete, and toxic emotion stored in his body. He will have to confront his shame, his feelings of worthlessness, and his unending sense of emptiness. This, of course, takes courage. It will not be easy for him to be vulnerable to the parts of his nature that he thinks are unredeemable. That’s why he erected a negatively oriented ego in the first place.

The Way Out

However, there is a way out. If he chooses to face and feel his toxic emotions he can complete them. When he finally completes those emotions they will be discharged from his system. He will then stand clear of his past, and be well on his way to wholeness and happiness. If, however, he chooses the path of most resistance and decides to avoid facing his toxicity, his situation will not improve. His shame will persist.

Eliminating Incomplete Emotion

Almost all of us have our own incomplete emotion and unconscious shame to deal with. We may not have had alcoholic parents like our imaginary young man did, but virtually all of us have some dysfunction or disturbance to clear from our system that keeps us from being whole and integrated, in touch with our true identity, and able to manifest our true purpose.

Elimination is an exacting, demanding, and often exhausting process. The more shame and emotional toxicity we carry in our system, the further away from ourselves we are. Hopefully, our young man will get so tired of the way he is living that he will be willing to face his toxicity at last. If he can turn away from the path of most resistance, where he is constantly running from himself, and enter the path of personal evolution, where he chooses to face himself, he will be able to find his way home to who he really is and overcome his shame once and for all.

Why Americans are Dumb

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dumb Americans

Prof. Howard Zinn

The following statistics are frightening. They were taken from The Dollar Vigilante.

“Most Americans haven’t read a book since they left high school. 42% of college graduates have not read another book after graduating, 80% of US families did not buy or read a book last year, 70% of US adults have not been in a bookstore in the last five years, 57% of new books are not read to completion, and most “readers” (to use the term loosely) do not get past page 18 in the last book they purchased. So, it should not be surprising that the average American reads, and I posit, understands at an 8th grade level. Stefan Molyneux breaks down the jaw dropping statisticts on the decline of the American intellect in this video.

If Americans are this uninformed they are easily brain washed and mind controlled. If you can’t think critically but rely on the massmedia to form your opinions,  as the mass of Americans obviously do, it’s then no wonder why we have the goverment we do.

If you want to make a difference in the world you must be informed. If you want a better life for yourself and your family you must be informed, able to think critically. If you are intellectually lazy and just go along with the trend you will be a robot. The intent of public education and mass media mind control is just that: to produce perfect robots who do not question authority but are always obedient. Only you can rise above this constant conditioning and imprinting and teach yourself to be free. Consider the words of the famous Harvard Professor of History, Howard Zinn.

“Civil disobedience is not our problem. Our problem is civil obedience. Our problem is that numbers of people all over the world have obeyed the dictates of the leaders of their governments and gone to war and millions have been killed because of this obedience, Our problem is that people are obedient all over the world in the face of poverty and starvation and stupidity and war and cruelty. Our problem is that people are obedient while the jails are full of petty thieves. and all the while the grand thieves are running the country. That’s our problem.”

 

 

 

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How Toxic Shame Begins

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toxic shame

The Roots of Toxic Shame

Let’s consider the imaginary case of an adult male with toxic shame who grew up in a family with unstable, alcoholic parents. As a young child, our young man never felt safe enough to express his emotions or to ask for what he needed. He received little nurturing, approval, or love from his parents. When he got home from school he never knew what conditions awaited him. Would his mother scream at him? Would his father beat him? Would there be food for dinner? His childhood was an ongoing nightmare. He was preoccupied with conditions that another child, growing up in a stable and loving home, would never have to face. He had nowhere to turn and no one to confide in. There was no safe harbor in his life, no way to reduce the pressures he had to confront everyday. He was alone in the horror of his childhood. This is the kind of environment in which toxic shame takes root.

His solution for dealing with the exigencies of his life was to take the only path available to him, which I have named the path of most resistance. As he trudged down this path he learned to shut off his feelings and numb his system to the constant assaults he faced from his parents. Not feeling was the only way he had to endure and survive. He was well on his way to a living a life consumed by toxic shame.

Shutting Down and Surviving

When there is no one to protect a young child, the only way that child can protect himself from further psychological harm is to shut down emotionally. Shutting down is not really a conscious choice, but is rather an unconscious mechanism to stop the emotional bleeding. Turning off the ability to feel will shut off the pain and silence the inevitable rage, at least part of the time. Unfortunately, it also means that the person who shuts down his feelings has lost his ability to feel and, therefore, to connect with other people in any meaningful way. Instead of feeling connected to his world, he will feel empty, alone, alienated from those around him, and dead inside. In shutting down emotionally he also severs his connection to his soul.

The Inner Victim

While shutting down his ability to feel allows him to survive, that protection comes at a high cost. In addition to feeling empty, he has also made himself into a chronic victim: powerless, unbalanced, and angry. The chronic inner victim will not magically disappear when his childhood ends and he tries to make his way in the world. Instead, the inner victim created by toxic shame will continue to undermine him and make his life a living hell. He will be his own worst enemy. This is the path of most resistance. This is the path of toxic shame.

The strategy that enabled him to survive his childhood then may well poison his adulthood. By burying his pain instead of facing it, he increases the odds that he will duplicate his parent’s dysfunction and like them, become a tortured soul laden with toxic shame. If he becomes a parent one day, without first healing his childhood nightmare, it is highly likely that he will do to his own children what his parents did to him. He will pass the curse of toxic shame on to the next generation.

Passing down the Generations

In essence, when a parental dysfunction penetrates the subconscious of a child, that dysfunction is passed on from the older generation to the younger one and will persist as a dominant family behavior until someone in the family decides to confront and eliminate it in himself. If the children do not eliminate it when they become adults, it will be passed on to their children. If that toxic shame remains firmly entrenched in the subconscious of family members, it can persist for many generations. As it passes down through the generations, it may also become more virulent with each new replication.

When a child shuts down emotionally, there are serious repercussions in the rest of his life. What he shuts down will be difficult to open later. Whenever someone shuts himself down, he locks a strong sense of his worthlessness and toxic shame deep within his core. He will feel that he can never redeem himself, no matter what he does. It’s not that he has made mistakes in his life that he can atone for, as much as it seems to him that his whole life has been a mistake. How does he atone for that? Since that toxic shame is who he mistakenly thinks he is, he may resist facing it with great ferocity. After all, he feels unredeemable. Facing the pain at the core of his psyche is like facing his death.

As time passes, and he attempts to move forward, his imbedded toxic shame will become the shame of which he is no longer even conscious. It will imprison him in the alienation and emptiness of the past and prevent him from finding wholeness and happiness in the present. If he marries and has children, his unconscious toxic shame will be his legacy to the next generation.

to be continued.