A Negative Feedback Loop
For most of his life Frank had been caught in a negative feedback loop. His poor self-image had been continually reinforced by negative life experiences. As long as that feedback loop existed, he was caught in a suffocating bind of his own making. Now however, the opportunities for advancement that came his way were proof that the negative feedback loop no longer existed. Good things were finally happening to him. New success was being built on the foundation of previous success. Reality was giving him a steady stream of positive feedback. The inner victim that had controlled his life for so long, buried him in deprivation and created the negative feedback loop had been defeated.
During the time Frank was in Europe, I was conducting daylong workshops for my advanced clients. These workshops were held once a month and helped my clients accelerate their growth by going even deeper into their unconscious material. When Frank returned, I invited him to the next workshop. He was happy to be included.
There were a large number of women in attendance at that month’s workshop. I introduced them all to Frank, who was the only first timer there. What happened during that day amazed me. All, and I mean all, of these women took to Frank immediately. They each wanted him to work on them. They couldn’t get over how much heat and healing energy came out of his hands. When it was Frank’s turn to get on the table, they all wanted to work on him. They could all sense he needed female approval, and they wanted to make sure he got it. They weren’t moved by a sense of pity to work on him. They were genuinely attracted to him. It was a breakthrough moment for Frank, a clear indication that he had overcome his mother’s cruel shadow and his real light was now shining. He was now pulling in positive and wholesome women. His mother would haunt him no longer. After that first experience, Frank always came to these monthly workshops when he was not at sea. When he wasn’t there, the women missed the hell out of him.
About a year later Frank was asked by his union to go to Washington and lobby Congress on their behalf. He was shocked but very proud of the honor shown him and scared to death to go to the Capitol. I told him to forget about his fear and just do it. He had nothing to lose. It would be a great experience. However, he wasn’t so sure about that. Somewhere inside him still lurked the Frank who was too frightened to talk to strangers.
“Look,” I told him. “If you can command a large crew on a huge cargo ship going half way around the world, you can certainly sit down in a cushy office and talk to a congressman one on one. Your peers obviously hold you in high esteem and think you’re the man for the job. I think it’s high time you thought the same way about yourself.”
Frank just looked at me warily and grunted. It took him some time to adjust to the idea, but in the end Frank went and had a great time. He discovered that he really enjoyed talking to Congressmen and Senators. It did great things for his self-esteem. Frank was now a changed man. His determination to grow and his willingness to step into new possibilities that were both foreign to his experience and larger than his self-concept gave him something he had never had before, self-confidence.
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