We serve others in order to grow our soul, increase our inner light, and fuse our soul with our ego. However, if we try to serve before we have cleared our toxicity, opened our system to our soul, and learned to stand in our power, our service will not be empowering. Instead, it will be draining and sacrificial.

Service elevates us when we have established soul contact and our system is open and clear enough to pull down the light from above. When those two factors are in place, the Divine will give the energy that we give to others back to us in greater quantity and higher quality. When we choose to serve others, God chooses to serve us. As we work to lift others up, God works to lift us up. Service upgrades the quality of the energy circulating in our system, and that upgraded energy draws us ever closer to our soul and spirit.

The X Factor

The unknown, or X factor in the equation of service is our conscious intent. Is that intent selfless, or is it selfish and manipulative? If our service has a selfish motive and our intention is to promote ourselves instead of helping others, then that “service” won’t promote our growth, elevate our consciousness, or release spiritual energy into the world. Because we’re using and not giving, the inner door won’t open, and Divine energy won’t flow down to us. The secret to divine intervention is to give from the heart without expectation or selfish motive. In true service, there is no quid pro quo.

Neem Karoli Baba

The Surrendered Soul and Identity

The connection with the soul, of course, is the basis of the surrendered ego’s identity. Because it is conscious of its Divine connection, the surrendered ego knows that it is both a part of all that is and one with all that is at the same time. The surrendered ego, then, is aware that it is the gate to our multidimensional nature. It encompasses the individual and the universal, the temporal and the eternal, the mortal and the immortal, and the finite and the infinite. It speaks to us through our intuition. It is no longer empty, unhappy, and unfulfilled. It has no further need of desire and is free of desires and compulsions. Armed with its ability to love life and accept whatever happens in life, the surrendered ego is sustained by its conscious connection to the Divine. That connection is also the basis of our intuition.

Exclusivity and the Divine Condition

The Divine energy is not at all exclusive. It is available to everyone equally. However, in order to receive the energy of the Divine into our system, we must be ready to hold its power, and must be conscious and whole enough to use that power in a responsible and purposeful manner. If we do not meet the Divine’s criteria, the Divine power will not merge with us. Paramahansa Yogananda, the great Indian spiritual teacher, put it this way. “When He shall be sure that nothing else will claim you, then He will come.” The Divine, after all, created the game of life, and to succeed in life we must play by His rules, not ours. The sooner we understand those rules, the sooner we will be ready to succeed. The main rule in the game of life is clear and simple. The Divine is not exclusive. It is merely our lack of consciousness and intuition that separates us from the Divine. The only barriers between the Divine and the person we are meant to be are those we ourselves erect.

A Quantum Leap

When we succeed in connecting with the Divine, the higher energy of that connection will change our experience and heighten our intuition. This represents a quantum leap forward in our consciousness. It raises our energy, sharpens our acuity, deepens our peace, extends our intuition, and reveals our purpose. Union with the Divine also softens our edges and improves our sense of humor. It may come as a surprise, considering the overly serious and pious nature of most religions, but the Divine is happy and joyful. If more of us took the time to discover who we really were, the world would be a much happier and safer place. The epidemic of imbalance and toxicity that plagues the planet would be over.

Obviously, our sense of who we are will be different if we are dominated by the negative ego, opened to the healthy ego, or transformed by the surrendered ego. Each stage of the ego’s development will give us a different view of our identity. Those views become more accurate and truer to whom we really are as we move up through the three ego levels. The truest and most satisfying sense of self comes from the surrendered ego. It is the only stage of the ego that has truly merged with the soul and moved beyond the limitations of form and substance. The least satisfying sense of self comes from the negative ego. It stands completely separate and alone from the soul and has no connection higher than its own fear and arrogance. The negative ego determines its own identity by the role, or roles, it plays, as well as by how much power it can pull its way and place under its thumb.

The Negative Ego

The negative ego faces a difficult dilemma. If it does what it has been commissioned to do, which is to protect the individual from further pain, it will survive. However, if it survives, its host will never find real and lasting happiness, discover his true nature or actualize his higher purpose. He will remain separate, alone, and bound in fear. The controlling principle of the negative ego is that whatever remains alone and unconnected to a divine source will continue to remain empty and unfulfilled. At the heart of the negative ego is a state of deprivation that no longing or desire can ever fill. The negative ego may acquire many things, gain great power and notoriety, be the envy of many in the world, but it will never flower, as the example of Septimius clearly suggests. Nothing succeeds for the negative ego like its own death, yet the negative ego will fight its dying with all its considerable strength.

The Healthy Ego

When the healthy ego becomes stabilized in the Integration Zone, its compass becomes permanently fixed on true spiritual North, and it is guided by a deepening thirst for union with the soul. It begins to focus acutely on reaching the Elevation Zone. Of course, it knows that as a result of this pursuit, it will eventually die, but unlike the negative ego stage that has just passed, the healthy ego does not fear its demise. Rather it seeks it out instead. Since it has cleared its internal toxicity, it does not fear change, for it knows that the core self not only never dies, but also grows brighter and stronger as we evolve. It knows that its own death is the key to a wider life and to rapprochement with the soul. Its mission is to facilitate that union. It is not an obstruction as the negative ego is, but a dedicated servant of the evolutionary process.

Without conscious access to our soul, all perceptions and conceptions of our identity are relative and changeable. Our perceptions of identity are related to the roles we play in life, rather than to the core self that stands behind those roles. The difference between one’s role, and one’s core self can best be understood by observing an accomplished actor working at his craft. A skilled actor is able to submerge his own identity in the roles he plays, but when the show is over and the shooting done, the actor reemerges as the person he really is. His real world and sense of self are very different from the world and role of the character he has left behind. The difference between the accomplished actor and the rest of us is that while the actor can step out of his character and leave the role he plays behind him, most of us cannot step out of ourselves and put our roles behind us. Our roles define us, and we have great difficulty separating what we do from who we are.

It isn’t easy to discover our true identity and establish a life based on a strong soul connection. If it was, everyone would do it. True identity belongs to the realm of those who are whole, strong and clear. True identity does not reside in the province where the fragmented, weak and confused reside. True identity takes work, effort and discipline.

It is not enough to declare, decide or affirm that you are something you are not. Too many who think they are spiritually superior, and have attained a higher level of consciousness, are simply deluded and looking for the easy way to self-realization. The truth about the easy way is that there is no easy way. Plato said the unexamined life is not worth living.  There is no self-realization without self-reflection. If you can’t face yourself, you will never succeed. So many  people do yoga to assuage their pain. The secret of self-realization and true identity is not to assuage your pain or do a series of postures to feel better. That is all temporary. The secret of self-realization is to face yourself and confront your shadow. When you expel the darkness from the core of your being where it hides, you make the necessary space for the divine to enter your life. Until that occurs you are treading water, not moving in the right direction. When you finally expel your darkness and allow the divine energy to enter your core, the change it brings is not temporary, but permanent. When that happens, you are on your right path.

Stretching the Ego

As we open to unconditional love and stretch our ego toward our soul, our sense of identity begins to shift slowly from what we do to who we are. While what we do is relative and can always change or be taken away from us, while who we are is permanent and can never be lost.

In contrast to the surrendered ego, the negative ego does not have the power to grow or move forward. It has no capacity for sustained joy or any connection to the soul. The negative ego’s range of emotion proceeds from fear, which is its negative pole, to aggression, which is its positive pole. Most of the negative ego’s existence is spent in generating experiences that slide back and forth between these two poles of determination.

Fear and Aggression

The free will of the negative ego, therefore, is bound and limited by the two forces of fear and aggression. While the negative ego may think it has free will, the truth is quite different. Its freedom is severely restricted. There just isn’t much room to find peace and freedom between fear and aggression.

The Negative Ego’s Mission

We must not forget that the negative ego’s mission is to protect the toxicity in our system from being discovered. It sustains its own existence by doing so. When the negative ego succeeds in deterring us from facing our toxicity it insures that our suffering will be continual and chronic. By placing its need to dominate ahead of our need to grow, the negative ego prevents us from becoming more conscious.

A Dual Role

The surrendered ego stands at the intersection of humanity and divinity, knowing that it has a dual role to play. One role is to keep the door between these two realms open. To do this it must maintain its integrity and openness, remaining centered and in acceptance, rather than being pulled in conflicting directions by waves of negative emotion. It cannot afford to take things personally and fall into reactive behavior. Its job is not to get even or yield to the seductive pull of retaliation. Instead, its task is to forgive all transgressions against its person, so that it might remain centered and connected to the Divine. Its high mission is to bring peace, clarity, and balance, wherever, and whenever, it can.

Teacher and Role Model

The other role the surrendered ego plays is that of teacher and example, leading the way for others to find the door to the Divine within themselves. It is not interested, as is the negative ego, in being the only power on the playing field. Instead, the surrendered ego wants everyone to share equally in the Divine power, for that is our true birthright.

Expanding Joy

The surrendered ego knows that once we have discovered who we really are, the most effective way to deepen and expand our experience of our true self is to help other people discover their real self. The surrendered ego knows that we expand our joy when we share our joy.

The great secret of the surrendered ego is acceptance. It knows that the more it loves unconditionally, the easier it will be to accept whatever situations may come its way. Being in a state of acceptance allows the surrendered ego to remain emotionally centered and connected to the timeless dimension of its nature. As long as the surrendered ego stays in acceptance, it will maintain its connection to the Divine, and the power of the negative will not be able to distract it from its path.

The Channel of Unconditional Love

The surrendered ego further recognizes that when it is in acceptance mode it is both a channel for unconditional love to enter the world and a vehicle for prayers to flow up to the Divine world. Whether Divine energy flows down through the open door of the surrendered ego or prayers flow up through it, the result is the same. Good things happen. We all win when Divine power is brought to bear in the world.

Before reaching the final transformation where it merges with the soul, the surrendered ego has already been through two prior transformational cycles. In clearing the toxicity it once contained, the negative ego died and became lighter. In standing up to the many challenges to its integrity, the healthy ego became strong, stable, sure of itself, and capable of containing more inner light. In letting go of attachment and desire, the surrendered ego became brighter, more conscious and powerful. As the surrendered ego quickens in the light and pulls down the Divine power to complete its quickening, it becomes one with the underlying unity of all life and realizes its true identity.

Acts of Grace

The death of the negative ego, and the opening up of the path of light are major acts of grace in the life of the individual. They change everything. Through their auspices the individual undergoes an internal revolution in which the forces of inner darkness are overcome, the ceiling of growth is raised, and the path of personal evolution becomes accessible.

The First Step

The first major step in the process of Self-realization occurs with the fusion of our ego and our soul. That merger must occur before self realization and the final illumination of our identity can take place. When the two poles of our nature merge, final union with the Divine usually follows in short order. When that merger does occur, our soul becomes infinitely brighter. With the Divine light pouring through our consciousness, we will experience a sense of universality and oneness with all life. Our deepest identity springs from our sense of universality.

Experiencing the Divine

We are not one thing or one person, separated from the rest of the world by our skin and our ego. We are a part of everything. Our essence is the essence of all things, and the essence of all things is also our essence. We are neither separate nor alone. We are all one in our own selves yet also part of a continuous organic whole that pulsates with life, light, and energy. We are no more and no less than anyone else. We are equal to every living thing, and every living thing is equal to us. We have discovered that our real identity is not found in our form, our substance, or our body, for every form and every substance is separate and different from every other form and every other substance. At this juncture we come to understand that our essence and true identity are both found in the light at the core of our being. That light is deathless, formless, and without substance. It is our personal link to the Divine.

Merger and Ignition

Until the time when we merge our soul and ego that light at the core of our being is but a flicker, but when that merger occurs, our inner light ignites and fans quickly into a bright flame. If we maintain the intensity of that inner flame, we will draw the Divine down to us and experience Self-realization. In that moment, we will know who we really are and what our purpose in the manifested world is to be.

Quan Yin

Karma and Freedom

Not surprisingly, the only significant contribution the negative ego makes that will endure beyond the death of the body is the negative karma it created while it held power. Its legacy is more toxicity that will have to be processed and cleared in other lifetimes. In the time that it is here, the negative ego finds few answers to life and experiences precious little fulfillment. Instead, it tarnishes the soul with its intrigues, contributes to its burdens, causes it to lose its momentum toward the light, and adds to its karmic weight.

The Surrendered Ego

The surrendered ego does just the opposite. It is focused on freedom, knowing that freedom is found only when we move in harmony with the Divine. It realizes that freedom is never strictly an individual or separate phenomenon, but is the result of a union between the individual, his soul, and the Divine. Until the Divine confers its light and power upon us, our experience of our true identity and purpose remains limited to our orientation in time and space, and we will be unable to experience the timeless dimension of our nature. We simply cannot know who we really are when we are only aware of part of ourselves. Without the presence of the Divine in our system, our true identity remains unknown, and we remain unfulfilled.

Albert Einstein

“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.”
-Albert Einstein

The fusion of soul and ego creates a direct channel for the wisdom, unconditional love, creativity, and healing energies of the soul to flow into the conscious mind. The synthesis of the formerly disparate elements of consciousness that occurs in the act of fusing the soul and ego connects the two poles of our being, uniting substance with spirit and creating a bridge across which the Divine light can flow quietly into this world.

Fusion and the Surrendered Ego

When the fusion of soul and ego occurs, the ego is transformed once again. It is no longer simply the healthy ego, learning to stand in its own power, expanding its sense of self in positive and supportive relationships, and beginning to grasp the significance and power of unconditional love. It is now the surrendered ego, the agent of the soul, and the voice of illumination, understanding, and compassion. The surrendered ego’s mission is to increase the power of the soul in the life of the individual and to manifest the individual’s true identity and purpose. Gandhi, Einstein, Mother Teresa, the Dalai Lama, and Nelson Mandela are all examples of individuals who successfully fused their soul and personality in modern times.
By the time we reach this state of fusion, the covert whispers of the negative ego and its dangerous liaison with our toxicity is long over. Where the ego was once the command and control center for the worst elements in our nature, it is now the channel for the highest and most redemptive aspects of our character. As we heal and transform the ego, we redeem our lives. In its base phase, the ego’s orientation is negative. It is an agent of separation, dominated by fear, and has no interest in the growth or evolution of the individual. Control and power dominate its agenda. In its middle phase, the ego’s orientation is positive and healthy. It is striving to escape the shadow of fear that has dominated the individual and to overcome habitual behaviors and reactive patterns that have reinforced the power of the negative in the life of its host. The healthy ego is a vehicle of integration. It is learning to love unconditionally and stand in the power of the soul.

A Karma Generating Machine

In its highest phase, the ego is neither positive nor negative, but has surrendered to the soul and become detached from desire. The surrendered ego is emotionally balanced and centered in the light. It shines with inner peace and is radiant with joy. Unlike the negative ego, the surrendered ego is clear of hopeless entanglements and negative consequences. Where the negative ego is a karma generating machine the surrendered ego is an instrument of harmony and fulfillment. The surrendered ego is the Divine’s ambassador in this world.

An Age of Increasing Polarity

We live in an age of increasing polarity and deepening conflict in all spheres of human experience: between nations, religions, political ideologies, ethnicities, genders, families, and individuals. This conflict is global, regional, local, political, economic, environmental, cultural, religious, historical, and increasingly personal. Sometimes,the conflict is all of these things at once. Virtually all forms of this conflict involve closed systems and zero sum games. No matter the conflict, there is little honest dialogue between the opposing parties. Instead of dialogue, charges and counter charges are levied, irreconcilable demands are made, and hostilities follow. With the world driven by the increasing spread of negative energies, the end of conflict frequently appears too late, if at all, and when it does arrive, it is often temporary. Instead of turning over a new leaf and building toward a new future, this becomes a time when new seeds of hatred are planted. The vanquished nurture their wounds and sow their bitterness in deep, underground streams of hatred that lie boiling within their psyches. Inevitably, the conflict returns.

A Time of Uncertainty

We stand once more at a critical point in world history. We live in a time of great uncertainty. The storm winds gather; the chill of peril fills the air. As dark as the times may be, not all is lost. We still stand. While the gathering storm may bring us into harms way, it also presents us with an unparalleled opportunity for personal growth and spiritual advancement. If we choose the path of personal evolution, we will increase the light in this world and lessen the power of the darkness to wreak havoc and create conflict all around us. The most important thing we can do for the world is to be who we really are.

The Future

The future is on our shoulders. At a time when, as individuals, we may seem to be insignificant, the truth is that we have never been more powerful. We have never been more important, and we have never been more necessary. If we succeed in bringing down the light from above, our influence will expand in ways we may never know about and touch people in other parts of the world whom we never knew existed. It is only in this way that the threat of conflict will recede.

In establishing positive and constructive relationships with other people, a person with a healthy ego is beginning to stretch his self-concept and open himself up to becoming a channel of unconditional love. When a group of people with healthy egos gets together, unconditional love is present and palpable. Love is the basis of equality. When unconditional love is present, everyone in the group feels both unique and equal. When unconditional love is absent, people struggle against each other to stand out and be unique. What is natural and obvious when our eyes are open with love is no longer accessible or apparent once love’s clarity is lost. When love dissolves, group consciousness no longer exists.

A Multi-Generational Problem

To illustrate these ideas, lets imagine a large, multi-generational family. The parents have several children. These children are now all grown up, married with teenage children of their own. One young teenager dislikes one of his cousins and has for a long time but keeps his animosity hidden. The only hint of his disdain is that he is cool to his cousin. One Sunday, there is a family gathering at the grandparents’ home. Some of the boys decide to play touch football in the backyard. The boy who is secretly disliked by his cousin lines up as a receiver on offense and goes out for a pass. The cousin who detests him is the defensive back on the other team. The play develops. The receiver runs his route. He breaks open for a moment. The ball is thrown, a perfect strike. He turns to make the catch. Instead of trying to break up the play, the defender goes for his cousin, hitting him with a vicious shot in the back of his thighs. The boy flies up in the air then falls on the base of his spine in pain and shock. After all, this is touch football, not tackle, and tackling is not allowed. The receiver gets slowly to his feet and confronts his cousin. This, of course, is just what the resentful cousin hoped would happen. He wants his unsuspecting cousin to start something so he will have the excuse he needs to hit him with the full fury of his resentment. Words are spoken in anger. Insults are hurled back and forth. Pushing ensues. The receiver takes a wild swing at his cousin and misses.

The cousin who has set up the entire situation is a stone cipher. No emotion breaks through the cold mask of his face, his hard eyes the only hint of the hatred that lies beneath. In his head, where no one can see his thoughts, he secretly exults. You’ve just made your fatal mistake cousin, he says silently to himself. You did just what I wanted you to do. You’ve given me the green light to destroy you. A hint of a smile plays at the ends of his lips. His right arm moves forward suddenly in a quick, compact motion. He hits his cousin as hard as he can in the face. The boy collapses, his lip split, his face bloodied. Pandemonium breaks out. The other boys go running into the house. The adults quickly come running out.

A Toxic Situation

The father of the boy who has been hit confronts his nephew. His younger brother, the father of the resentful cousin comes to his son’s defense. Pretty soon the two brothers are pushing each other, giving new life to old grudges from their own teenage years. The other brothers and sisters try to break up the widening dispute to no avail. Instead of ending the conflict, they are drawn into it. The conflict has now escalated to a new level, moving through the generations and splitting the family into factions. The long-term cohesiveness of the family has been ruined. The entire family is now highly reactive and out of control. Each faction is self-righteous, certain the other side is wrong. Each faction wants to dominate and punish the other one. Even the grandparents are on different sides of the family conflict. In the blink of an eye the family has shifted from group consciousness to zero sum warfare. Instead of allowing love and respect to hold the family together, they are now all fighting for domination and control. Everybody wants to be right. The situation has become highly polarizing. The negative energy they have foolishly and unconsciously created together now has a life of its own and will draw them further apart. In the end, the conflict will wound and diminish everybody. There will be no winners.

Family Contamination

Was any of this really necessary? One person, infected with a smoldering resentment, contaminated the entire family, reawakened
forgotten tensions, and created group conflict. A once loving family with a long history of cohesion reacted to conflict with more conflict and lost its cohesive center in the blink of an eye.

Losing Love

As our example suggests, it is easy to lose love, easy to react, and easy to create conflict with little provocation. While the above example is imaginary, it is not far-fetched. Things like this happen all the time and are but a reminder of the covert and insidious nature of evil. If we are easily provoked and allow ourselves to react inappropriately, we open the door to evil and thoughtlessly invite it into our lives.

Losing Self-Control

If the cousin who had been tackled had recognized the resentment in his cousin’s actions and been able to maintain his self-control, he might have gotten up, walked away, and said nothing. Instead, he reacted and helped his cousin hurt him. Instead of walking away from trouble, he walked into trouble, and the rest of the family followed suit. This is one of those times when it would have been far better to turn the other cheek than to let one’s ego get in the way. It takes a clear and mature person to have the wisdom and self-control to recognize when it is time to walk away from trouble. While it is no easy task, neither is it an impossible one.

The Healthy Ego and Group Consciousness

When we develop a healthy ego, taking things personally, creating a closed system, and playing zero sum games no longer interests us. We now know better. If there’s enough success in the world for you, then there’s also enough for me. Even better, if I am whole and successful, it will be easier for you to be whole and successful. The more wholeness and abundance we both generate, the easier it will be for everyone else to find abundance. When we view reality through the lens of I win/you win, reality expands. A win/win model generates communication, cooperation, and teamwork – all elements of the healthy ego and group consciousness. Whenever a healthy ego and group consciousness exists, peace and order flourish, and economic opportunity expands. For a healthy sense of group consciousness to flourish, everyone who participates in the group must have cleared the toxicity from their system and developed a healthy ego. Otherwise the group consciousness will be shallow, false, and short lived. Instead of leading to peace, it will lead to blame, bitterness, and cynicism.

Zero Sum Reality

When we view reality through the traditional lens of I win/you lose, reality contracts. Without a healthy ego structure there is no group consciousness. Life is war, a series of zero sum games. The traditional win/lose model engenders conflict, misunderstanding, and instability. All we have to do is look at the world of today to realize how entrenched we are in this model of reality.

We can never develop a healthy ego, transform our consciousness or begin to change the world until we address the hidden, negative elements in our own system. Every attempt at transformation and change that fails to address our toxicity will fail to meet its objective.

Refusing to Take Things Personally

The good news is that when we develop a healthy ego and  no longer take things personally, we won’t have to react. Reacting negatively is a choice, not an inevitable occurrence. We react negatively when we feel powerless. That is the lesson Barbara learned when she cleared her toxicity and healed her childhood wounds. Once she realized that she didn’t have to suppress her own needs in order to be loved, she found that standing up for her self was empowering and exhilarating. When she stood up for herself, she stood in her own power and her self-pity vanished. Rather than feeling less than everyone else, she recognized herself as the equal of everyone she encountered. Barbara healed her life and in the process developed a healthy ego. Now she’s ready to find a circle of equals and experience group consciousness.

Zero sum games are the end product of the cycle of personalization. This cycle has three phases:

1. We take things personally.

2. We create a closed system where it’s us versus them.

3. We are forced by our own foolishness into playing a zero sum game.
A more intelligent and conscious response would be to avoid the inevitable struggle for power that occurs when we personalize events and to turn inward instead to face the toxic energies in our system that need clearing. When we clear our subconscious of its toxicity, we won’t be as likely to fall back into the instinctive reactive patterns and the closed system that first wounded and then weakened us. We will also have enough strength and lucidity to avoid the traps others may set for us in the hope that we will react to their ploys, and allow them to hurt us.

A Lost Opportunity

What the younger sister failed to realize in creating her closed system is that when we turn another person into a scapegoat, we lose an opportunity to advance our growth and evolution. If we are too scared to face ourselves, we are too scared to grow. If we refuse to face our false self, we will not find our true self. Jealousy and envy are always self-destructive. When someone is jealous, they can never be satisfied, content, or find peace. Their moments of vengeance only provide them with temporary relief. When a person’s system is toxic, nothing brings them peace.

The Relative Nature of Personalizing Reality

Taking things personally, then, is always dangerous to our well-being. We take things personally when we view the world relatively, not as it is, but as it affects our own sense of self. If we permit another person to nega- tively impact our self-worth, we will react to that encroachment very personally. We will become hostile and angry, wishing to hurt them as much as, or more than they hurt us. When we react personally, we start a fresh cycle of internal violence in our lives. That violence might never be translated into action, but it will color our thoughts and influence our feelings. It will increase our stress, release toxic chemicals into our bloodstream, and destroy our peace. When we react personally, we lose our objectivity and clarity. We are no longer detached. Our soul connection is severed. We are more interested in retaliation and vindication than in growth and evolution.

Because the younger sister sees the older sister as the source of her pain, the only direction in which her life can move is down. She has cast her- self in the role of the chronic victim, and she can only deteriorate from there. Her agony will grow. Her rage will consume her. The loudest voices in her head will be those of bitterness and hatred. They will make her hard, defensive, and aloof. They will impel her to shun the company of positive people and lead her to feel alone, unappreciated, and misunderstood. She will wallow in self-pity and depression. Unfortunately, she will not sink in her toxicity alone, but in the manner of a stealth virus, she will contaminate those who are emotionally dependent upon her. Her toxicity will certainly affect her son, drawing him toward an even deeper darkness than the one in which he is now immersed.

The Path of Most Resistance

The tragedy of the younger sister’s story is that none of this need happen. The path of most resistance is not an absolute, unchangeable reality. It can be easily avoided. If the younger sister had chosen the path of responsibility and faced her own darkness rather than continuing on her stubborn, lonely walk down the twisted path of most resistance, a better reality would have been able to manifest in her life. Had she transformed herself, the conflict that she created and sustained with her older sister would no longer exist. Instead of chronic tension between them, there would be support for each other. They would be able to applaud each other’s successes, and in all likelihood, her son would be better adjusted, perhaps as successful in his life as his cousins have been in their lives. Her reward would be group consciousness, cohesion, and love within the family, rather than jealousy, animosity, and conflict. The family would be an open system with no ceiling on the success its indi- vidual members might attain, instead of a closed system, where success is limited and the individual members have to fight each other for their quota of success.

Zero Sum Games

When we personalize our experience as the younger sister has, we see ourselves as victims. As victims, we struggle to assert ourselves against our adversary. This forces us to play a zero sum game, struggling to take back our power from those we feel have stolen it. The more we react, the more separation we create between ourselves and those we view as our antagonists. That external separation is also mirrored internally, as increased distance between our ego and our soul. If we are not careful, both the internal and external degrees of separation may prove impos- sible to surmount. Even if we should win the zero sum game, we would still lose in the long term because we are not advancing our growth, only strengthening our negativity and the power it has over us. This is the opposite of living a responsible and conscious life.

Whenever we take things personally, we create a closed system and lock ourselves into a zero sum game. Zero sum games are not limited to individuals, but also apply to competing interest groups. Wherever and whenever people organize their lives and perceptions of reality around their toxicity, zero sum games will always be played.

The Blame Game

If it is the younger sister’s fault for personalizing events and seeing everything that happens as a contest with her older sister, is she then not responsible for her recurring wounds and her ongoing anguish? By habitually blaming her older sister, she has shielded herself from facing her own demons and has failed to take responsibility for improving her life. The irony she cannot bear to see is that as long as she hides behind her shield of blame, the hidden demons of her nature will continue to possess her. In deflecting her conscious attention from confronting these demons, she has ceded to them the power to shape her life as they see fit. In effect, by not taking responsibility for her dilemma she has abandoned herself to the most destructive aspects in her nature. As long as she continues to abandon herself by failing to take responsibility for her predicament, her jealousy and hatred will continue to diminish her and destroy her life. This is where taking things personally takes us in the end.

The Path of Most Resistance

As long as the younger sister insists on taking things personally and viewing everything from the perspective of conflict with her older sister, the darkness and jealousy within her nature will not be challenged. The negative emotional blocks in both her body and soul cannot be cleared; her will remains broken, and her life will be unchanged. By taking things personally, she has chosen the path of most resistance, a path on which she will struggle mightily against her better self, pitting her basest instincts against her true potential. The path of most resistance leads to a life of increased suffering. This is the life path she has chosen for herself,although she lacks the clarity to see that she has chosen it. How could anyone be so foolish? Yet people choose the path of most resistance all the time.

The Power of Limiting Beliefs

A closed system of consciousness is one in which we believe there is a limited amount of power, success, money, attention, or access available to us. When we invest our consciousness in the belief of limitation, someone else’s success becomes our loss, and we feel diminished by their accomplishment.

Three Key Themes

There are three key themes in closed systems thinking that have a strong impact on our behavior. These three themes are an overriding belief in limitation, an overwhelming tendency to take things personally, and an ever-increasing sense of victimization. In a closed system of consciousness, we end up feeling wounded and victimized by things that in reality have little or no relationship to us.

Two Sisters

As an example of a closed system of consciousness, let us imagine a relationship dynamic involving two adult sisters who are both married. The older sister has two beautiful and bright children who do well in school, have many friends, and are popular with their respective peer groups. The younger sister has one child who takes drugs, gets failing grades, and is a loner with few friends.
The younger sister has been jealous of her older sibling since they were little children. Over the years her jealousy has hardened into hatred. While success comes easily to her older sister, it comes rarely to her. The same pattern of success and failure that has complicated the sisters’ relationship with one another has taken root in the lives of their children. The older sister’s children are far more successful and better adjusted than is the younger sister’s son.

Jealousy and Competition

The younger sister’s jealousy causes her to see everything that happens in her life in terms of competition with her sister. She takes everything personally, even when it has nothing to do with her directly. Every new success of her older sister’s family wounds her deeply. Every new failure of her son, every bad grade, every run-in with authority, deepens her anguish. She has always seen her older sister as a winner and herself as a failure. No matter what she does to pull even or go ahead, she knows she is doomed to fail. No matter how hard she pushes herself to outdo her sister, she knows deep down that she will continue to lose. With every perceived loss, her sense of victimization grows.
Exactly who is responsible for her anguish? Is it her sister’s fault, as she would like to believe? Does her sister’s success really diminish her? Is their relationship a zero sum game where only so much success has been granted to the entire family and her older sister has greedily usurped it? Or is it her fault for taking everything so personally and seeing everything that happens in terms of a contest with her sister?

To be continued tomorrow. Please Share and Like.

It’s a crazy unstable world out there. It’s not going to get better anytime soon. Here’s St Francis of Asissi’s timeless Serenity Prayer. It’s remarkably relevant in today’s chaotic, unbalanced world. It’s very reminiscent of Gandhi’s famous quote, “If you want to change the world, be the change you seek.”

Here’s how St Francis put it:

Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace,

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Where there is injury, pardon;

Where there is doubt, faith;

Where there is darkness, light;

And where there is sadness, joy;

O, Divine Master, Grant that I may not so much seek To be consoled, as to console;
To be understood as to understand;

To be loved as to love;

For it is in giving that we receive;

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;

And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

-St Frances of Assisi, Serenity Prayer

The foundation of the Negative Ego

The negative ego is based on four fundamental factors. These factors are:

1.  Unprocessed toxicity.
2.  Self-hatred and the victim mentality.
3.  An innate sense of fear and powerlessness, which often translates into the need to dominate one’s relationships with other people.
4. An unwavering intention to keep the soul isolated from the conscious mind and ego.

The Foundation of the Healthy Ego

The healthy ego, on the other hand, is happy to grant the soul access to the psyche. It is not interested in distancing itself from the soul, but in closing the gap with the spirit. The healthy ego is also built on four factors, but these factors are very different from those comprising the negative ego. The four factors that contribute to a healthy ego are:

1.  Cleared toxicity.
2.  Self-respect and a healthy boundary system.
3.  The ability to love other people, appreciate and acknowledge them for who they are.
4.  A strong commitment to unite the soul with the conscious mind and ego.

Self Respect

A healthy ego starts with a clear subconscious. There is no inner victim, no self-hatred, and no tendency toward self-destruction in the healthy ego. Instead, the healthy ego is continually building and expanding its self- respect. Self-respect grows with the ability to reach out and create healthy relationships based on affection and mutual respect. Self-respect is reinforced when we stand up for ourselves. Self-respect flourishes when we are able to give and receive love. Sharing the energy of unconditional love expands and strengthens us. People with a healthy ego instinctively understand that when they wholeheartedly acknowledge another per- son’s talents, gifts, and contributions, they are indirectly acknowledging their own sense of self.
The ability to wholeheartedly support and recognize someone else is only possible when our system has been drained of its toxicity. If we are free of envy, jealousy, pettiness, and vindictiveness, we won’t feel threatened by someone else’s success or see that person’s good fortune as our personal loss. However, until we clear the toxic emotion from our system and learn to set effective boundaries, we will find ourselves caught in a closed system where the tendency will be to do exactly that.

When Toxicity Becomes Radioactive

The relationship between toxic content and the victim mentality makes that toxicity highly magnetic and powerful, almost radioactive. The resultant combination attracts an ever increasing stream of toxic situations into the person’s life. These new situations will incline the person polarized by his negative ego to react negatively, like a victim, to perceived threats to his survival, thus causing even more imbalances and fragmentation to his system.
In essence, there is a great irony at work in the primary mission of the negative ego. Instead of protecting its host from more traumatic incidents, the negative ego attracts more traumatic events to him. That is fine with the negative ego, for in adding to its host’s traumas, the negative ego increases its power over the host’s psyche. While a toxic system does not help the person who must live within the constraints of that toxicity, it does help the negative ego project its power and keep the soul at bay. The negative ego is shrewd and calculating. It knows that the more toxic material there is in its host’s system, the less opportunity the host’s soul will have to exert its influence and help the person grow.
As noted earlier, the negative ego does not have a death wish. It protects the toxic content in its host system because that toxicity is the source of its power and existence. Its secret mission, as opposed to its primary mission, is to keep the person focused on outward pursuits and dominated by an endless stream of desires. By keeping its host focused on chasing after a stream of desires, the negative ego diverts him from turning within, taking responsibility for his toxicity, and consciously evolving. By keeping its host focused on the external pursuit of happiness, the negative ego insures both its own continuity and its position of power.

The Healthy Ego

The healthy ego, by contrast, has already turned away from the distraction and glamour of desire and turned inward to confront and clear the unconscious toxicity in its system. In facing its fears it has faced them down. Instead of dissipating its power by turning outward, it is integrating and re-owning its power by moving inward. In moving inward, it is building a positive center of power. Since the healthy ego has cleared the toxicity in its system, it is no longer dominated by the victim mentality and is free to finally develop a clearer sense of self.

The Evolution of the Ego

As the ego evolves, we evolve. The healthy ego was once the negative ego. The transformation of the negative ego begins when the individual decides he has had enough frustration, emptiness, and suffering; when he admits that desire and denial do not work and can never fulfill their promise to satisfy him; when he sees that it is time to face himself, look within, and clear whatever toxic content he may find there.
The conscious, deliberate engagement with one’s unconscious toxicity marks the beginning of the negative ego’s death spiral. That confrontation weakens the desire nature and brings healing to the inner victim. As the negative ego is thrown into the spiritual fire of the Elimination Zone, it is slowly purified, refined, and reborn as the healthy ego. Where the negative ego nurtures the darkness and pursues its own separate goals of domination and control, the healthy ego embraces the soul and is eager to pursue the true goals of the individual, growth and evolution.

We can find the secret to the great disparity in viewpoint, values, and purpose that exists between the negative ego and the healthy ego in the relationship each level of the ego has with the presence or absence of the inner victim and the unconscious toxic content of its host. In the case of the negative ego, the unconscious toxicity in its host’s system has not been processed and the inner victim is dominant. In the case of the healthy ego, that toxicity has been processed and the inner victim has been transformed. The negative ego is built on the foundation of its host’s toxic content and the presence of the inner victim, while the healthy ego is constructed on the transformation of that content and the absence of the inner victim. Unprocessed content is crucial to the negative ego’s existence. It imbues the negative ego with power and provides it with a mandate to protect its host from further harm.

Unprocessed Toxicity

A critical component of that unprocessed toxicity is the victim mentality. If someone has been hurt, abused, or shamed and has not cleared those experiences from his system, the role of the victim will be present in his psyche, no matter how unconscious or well hidden that role may be. The inner victim is always angry and always blames someone else for its difficulties. Until the person chooses to take responsibility for what has happened in his life, the inner victim will always stop his growth. Growth is just not possible until one takes full responsibility for the weight of his life.

The Inner Victim

By constantly blaming other people for his difficulties, the inner victim makes a costly mistake. What the inner victim fails to comprehend is that in blaming others for his problems, he not only renders himself powerless, but also transfers what power he has left to his adversary. The unconscious transfer of power makes the inner victim less than who he really is and at the same time, makes his adversary more than who he really is.
Two things happen when the inner victim unconsciously transfers his power to his adversary and neither result is good. First, it makes him feel even more victimized than he did before he unconsciously transferred his power to his adversary. Second, it inflames the inner victim with more hatred toward his adversary. Both results widen the gulf that separates the inner victim from other people and deepens his shame. When the inner victim transfers his power he expands his sense of victimization. As long as he lets the inner victim state exist inside him, he can only move in one direction, down into darkness, and away from the light of the soul and spirit. The only thing the inner victim mentality ever succeeds in doing is making the individual into even more of a victim.

An Open system

The healthy ego is an open system. It wants to do all it can to help the soul achieve maximum influence in the psyche. The healthy ego is interested in promoting the growth and evolution of the person it serves. It is a true ally and partner in the pursuit of that growth.The healthy ego knows it can accelerate its host’s growth and evolution by merging with the soul and letting the soul be the ultimate authority in the psyche. The healthy ego knows instinctively that when that merger occurs it will strengthen every aspect of the psyche, produce a higher level of systemic integration, and widen its host’s awareness.

A Second Death Experience

The healthy ego also knows that as the evolutionary process goes forward from the Integration Zone and enters the Elevation Zone, it will undergo another upgrade, or death experience. The healthy ego, unlike the negative ego, is not afraid of its own death, because it has died once already when making the transition from the Elimination Zone to the Integration Zone. When it died as the negative ego, the healthy ego was transformed and freed from the chains of unconscious toxicity that bound it in fear and separation.

Seeking Growth

The healthy ego, unlike the negative ego, seeks continued growth and transformation. It understands that as more light enters and integrates the system of its host, the freer and happier it will be. When the ego is upgraded by the influx of spiritual light, all aspects of the individual’s system become freer and brighter. As the ego goes, so goes the individual. The key to personal evolution is to shift the ego toward the pole of the soul and spirit.

The Absence of Fear

The healthy ego is no longer worried about its survival, and no longer dominated by fear. Its goals are no longer antagonistic to the goals of the inner person. Instead, they are the same. The healthy ego is learning to move in harmony with the soul. Where the soul leads, the healthy ego wants to follow.

What distinguishes a negative ego from a healthy ego is the relationship that each ego level has with the soul. The negative ego is a closed system, determined to have no further relationship with the soul whatsoever. The negative ego sees the soul as its major competitor for power within the psyche. It is threatened by the soul’s connection to the eternal light of the spirit. The negative ego  does not want that light to illuminate the psyche because the negative ego is afraid the light will reveal the hidden darkness and toxicity that are the source of its power. Since the negative ego is dominated by fear, it will go to great lengths to protect its franchise and maintain its control.

Mortality and The Ego

The negative ego’s primary interest does not lie in serving the person whose system it rules. The negative ego is only interested in protecting its host in order to sustain its own existence. This is not an act of generosity, but one of self-interest. The negative ego knows full well that it is as mortal as the body of its host. If its host were to die, the negative ego would no longer exist.

The negative ego with its fear, self-absorption, antagonism toward the soul, and concerns about its own survival, has no interest in the growth and evolution of the person within whom it exists. Neither is the negative ego interested in helping its host discover his true identity or find his true purpose. Conscious evolution requires the presence of the soul, and the negative ego is fully committed to denying that presence. Since the negative ego’s goals are antagonistic to the true goals of the person, it is neither friend nor ally to the person it is supposed to serve.

The Negative Ego and the Survival Instinct

With its primary orientation organized around its own survival concerns, the negative ego is not interested in growth or integration, but rather, in power and control. Power and control are the negative ego’s solution to the fear that lies hidden at its core. If the person it rules chose to bring down the eternal light and evolve, instead of chasing one desire after another in a futile race for fulfillment, the negative ego would eventually die. Turning toward the light terrifies the negative ego. It knows that it can only achieve its goals of survival and power by misdirecting the person it is supposed to be protecting from further trauma. The mission of the negative ego is to keep that person in the dark about his darkness, not to usher him into the light.

Addiction & Transforming Consciousness

Consciousness can be transformed from any context. We get real when we face our unconscious toxic content. It is the only way we have to regain our power. The addict can alter his path to self-destruction by facing what he fears most. That is the only way he will regain his power. While the secret of what he must do is simple, entering the Elimination Zone is often a formidable undertaking. In the beginning of the journey, moving toward our fear intensifies that fear. Addiction is an attempt to tranquilize the beasts of fear and pain.

 Courage

The antidote to fear is courage. In the context of personal evolution, courage means that we have decided to move forward and are willing to feel uncomfortable in order to escape where we have been. That’s what Barbara and Frank both did. Courage means we are willing to take a risk in order to be free of an untenable situation. In the case of the addict, courage means that he is willing to sacrifice the habitual and the destructive, the negative comfort zone that he is used to, for a chance at health and redemption.

For the addict, the road home to his real self and his true nature is not a mystery. Its requirements are few. He has to want to do it. Then he has to choose to do it. Then he has to do it. What the addict has to do to right his boat, we have to do to right ours. The addict’s situation is only more desperate, urgent, and extreme than is our own. The difference between an addict and a normal person is but a matter of degree. We may be in different boats, but we still have to sail on the same sea of consciousness.

At some point in life everyone confronts the same question. Are we going to face ourselves and go forward, or are we going to avoid that confrontation, resist our growth, and run in place for the rest of our lives?

I’ve just returned from a wonderful week in LA. I was lucky. The winter disappeared while I was there. Instead of cold and rain I had brilliant blue skies and temperatures in the sixties and seventies. Wherever I went I ran into people I knew and loved. That always seems to happen to me whenever I’m in LA.

I made progress in getting producers interested in my novel THE SILENT STEPS OF GRACE. One day it will be a powerful and uplifting and inspiring movie that will help people in their lives. One very successful producer of several big movie hits called the book “tremendous”.  He also said that he found one of the story lines disturbing. That most certainly was the hidden history of the United States. The real history of this country is certainly not what we were all force fed in school.

He also asked me why I wanted to get involved in the movie business. “If you have a happy life and are o.k. financially why would you want to make your book into a movie?” he asked me.

“To see it come alive on the screen,” I replied. “Money and notoriety are a distant second.”

“You’ll pay a price for that,” he sighed. “You’ll be dealing with the worst people in the world. My advice is don’t do it.”

He may well be right. Only time will tell what the price of success is.

L.A. is an acquired taste. At first, it’s overwhelming. Huge, too many people and far too many cars. It takes time to get grounded and get your bearings. A friend of mine, who is a Ph. D. and runs a multi-discipline program at USC, calls LA a cesspool. It certainly is that. But if you take your time and separate the wheat from the chaff, you will find wonderful and extraordinary people. I know tons of them and am honored to call them my friends.

Getting around the city is a nightmare. It’s rush hour traffic all day long. One friend said if he has an appointment in Beverly Hills he’ll leave three hours early so he won’t be caught in heavy traffic. He’ll work in a coffee shop in Beverly Hills until it’s time for his meeting. That’s how bad the traffic is. Another friend of mine said it took him 90 minutes to go less than 2 miles. Several people said the traffic made LA almost unlivable.

LA has several advantages and disadvantages.

The advantages are:

1. great climate
2. very open and creative culture
3. great food choices, particularly in Santa Monica and Venice
4. Santa Monica and Venice are ground zero for healthy conscious eating
5. Lots of organic restaurants
6. Great health food stores, particularly Co-Opportunity in Santa Monica which may be the best health food store in the country
7. Great beaches
8. Great people
9. Home of the movie and TV industries
10. Lots of people striving to grow and become more conscious

The disadvantages are:

1. High cost of living. Real estate is incredibly expensive. Rents are high.
2. High taxes.
3. Traffic and gridlock
4. Lots of toxic people
5. LA and Southern California are in the direct path of radioactive winds coming from the crippled reactors in Fukushima
6. A monster quake that will level virtually every structure in SoCal could happen at any time.

For me, the cost and risk of living in LA outweigh the benefits of returning there to live. That’s why I left after living there for 16 years and will not return. My solution is to travel there frequently, see my friends and work to make my novel into a movie.

If you haven’t yet read THE SILENT STEPS OF GRACE you should. It’s a great story. It will move you, inspire you and educate you. In short, it’s a game changer. You will find more information about it on my website www.alanmesher.com or on amazon.com. It is available in both print and digital formats.

Combat and Targeted Killing

On January 23 Obama announced a new policy that will allow women in combat roles. This is insane. First, Obama came out with a new edict saying that American citizens can be the object of targeted killing. Now he says women  in combat is an idea whose time has come. It’s now time for women in combat to kill the enemy, just like men have always done. Well, men and women are inherently different. Both their physiology and psychology are different. Their brains are different. Their hearts are different. And their reproductive systems are obviously different. According to a female psycho-biologist women speak 22,000 to 23,000 words a day. Men only 6,000. Yet feminists insist, over and over again, that all differences between men and women are due to “socialization”.  That’s their mantra and by God, they’re sticking to it.

Disinformation

Why would anyone believe such obvious disinformation and spurious propangada? The answer: Millions of deluded people with NO common sense.   It illustrates how easy it is to brainwash and mind-control vast swatches of the population. Women in combat? Come on Pres. Obama and Sec. of Defense Panetta. Targeting American citizens to be killed and allowing women in combat to kill or be killed? Whatever happened to common sense, honor and the moral high ground? That’s why the world always looked up to America in the past. Now the world despises America. They see us as bullies and terrorists. The days of honor, morality and doing the right thing seem sadly behind us. And our answer is to allow women in combat?

Here’s a great article on why women should NOT be in combat.

http://takimag.com/article/women_in_combat_another_nail_in_the_coffin_jared_taylor#axzz2KVHsQ37i

I Was A Drug Addict

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The Loss of Happiness

Barbara’s experience in standing up for herself illustrates yet another important truth about addiction. We can’t find happiness when we give away our power. To be happy, we must have our personal power and maintain our emotional balance.
Those who habitually give away their power are in danger of developing an addictive personality. Having effective boundaries and standing up for ourselves is one of the only safeguards we possess in protecting our power from the ravages of addiction. The  person with an addiction has few healthy boundaries. He turns to substance abuse, drugs, alcohol, sex, or other behaviors to replace his loss of power and numb his feelings of toxic shame and the deep sense of inadequacy that accompanies his shame. While an addiction may temporarily suppress feelings of self-hatred and low self- esteem, it can never resolve deep-seated emotional problems.

How an Addiction Amplifies Pain

In masking his pain with drugs, alcohol, and sex, the person suffering from an addiction only amplifies that pain. By giving away his power, the person with an addiction intensifies his anguish. By refusing to face his pain, he unwittingly places himself in a destructive psychological bind. Whatever he flees from becomes larger and more powerful than he is. Whatever is more powerful than he is, owns him. His addiction becomes  the driving force in his life. When that happens, his power is no longer his. It has been transferred to what he fears most and adamantly refuses to face. His life is ruled by his repressed toxic shame. His addiction has neutered him and leads to a path of ever increasing self-destructive behavior.

Addiction and the Consequences of Becoming Less Conscious

The person with a history of addiction has no access to any positive aspect in his psyche. His only thought is to flee from the burden of his life and the weight of responsibility for his growth by making himself less conscious. What the person in the grips of an addiction fails to realize is that the only way to resolve his problems is to become more conscious, not less. However, becoming conscious takes work and commitment, and the person with an addiction has no interest in working on himself. While he may not know it, his ultimate goal is self-destruction. He is thoroughly immersed in his negative ego and totally ensconced in the role of victim.

The Graduate

It’s Never Too Late

The cases of Frank and Barbara hold up hope for all of us to grow, learn our lessons, and graduate from the college of life. It’s never too late to become who you were always meant to be. Barbara was in her mid sixties when she began this work, Frank in his late fifties. In both cases, when they cleared the toxicity from their systems, the next steps in their growth evolved in a natural and clear way. They didn’t have to exert a great deal of effort or willpower to try and make things happen. Instead, the things that needed to happen to accelerate their growth found them. All they had to do was stand up for themselves and rise to the occasion.
Barbara stood up for herself by rejecting the negative attacks that were intended to demean her and claimed her self-respect instead. When she stood up for herself, she found that she could laugh and be happy. Frank stood up for himself by coming out of his shell. He stopped hiding from life and was finally seen as the competent, responsible, and highly intelligent person he really was.

Consolidating Growth

Barbara furthered her growth and consolidated her inner center by rejecting the negative that had dominated her life since her early childhood. In standing up for herself, she broke the last vestiges of control, as well as the accompanying emotional deprivation, that her childhood conditioning had exerted over her. Frank achieved the same objectives by accepting the positive in his life. He stood up for himself by stretching beyond the limits of his past negative experience. He accepted his promotions. He went to Washington, and he allowed loving women into his life.

Barbara and Frank’s methods of standing up for themselves, while diametrically different, served the same ends. Both strategies allowed them to put the toxic shame that had dominated their childhoods behind them. Barbara found her strength in standing up for herself and expressing her feelings. Frank found his self-respect in accepting his professional opportunities and his self-worth in accepting unconditional love. By accepting love from decent, strong, and compassionate women, he proved his mother wrong. He was loveable after all.

A Negative Feedback Loop

For most of his life Frank had been caught in a negative feedback loop. His poor self-image had been continually reinforced by negative life experiences. As long as that feedback loop existed, he was caught in a suffocating bind of his own making. Now however, the opportunities for advancement that came his way were proof that the negative feedback loop no longer existed. Good things were finally happening to him. New success was being built on the foundation of previous success. Reality was giving him a steady stream of positive feedback. The inner victim that had controlled his life for so long, buried him in deprivation and created the negative feedback loop had been defeated.

During the time Frank was in Europe, I was conducting daylong workshops for my advanced clients. These workshops were held once a month and helped my clients accelerate their growth by going even deeper into their unconscious material. When Frank returned, I invited him to the next workshop. He was happy to be included.

Positive Feedback

There were a large number of women in attendance at that month’s workshop. I introduced them all to Frank, who was the only first timer there. What happened during that day amazed me. All, and I mean all, of these women took to Frank immediately. They each wanted him to work on them. They couldn’t get over how much heat and healing energy came out of his hands. When it was Frank’s turn to get on the table, they all wanted to work on him. They could all sense he needed female approval, and they wanted to make sure he got it. They weren’t moved by a sense of pity to work on him. They were genuinely attracted to him. It was a breakthrough moment for Frank, a clear indication that he had overcome his mother’s cruel shadow and his real light was now shining. He was now pulling in positive and wholesome women. His mother would haunt him no longer. After that first experience, Frank always came to these monthly workshops when he was not at sea. When he wasn’t there, the women missed the hell out of him.

Lobbying Congress

About a year later Frank was asked by his union to go to Washington and lobby Congress on their behalf. He was shocked but very proud of the honor shown him and scared to death to go to the Capitol. I told him to forget about his fear and just do it. He had nothing to lose. It would be a great experience. However, he wasn’t so sure about that. Somewhere inside him still lurked the Frank who was too frightened to talk to strangers.

“Look,” I told him. “If you can command a large crew on a huge cargo ship going half way around the world, you can certainly sit down in a cushy office and talk to a congressman one on one. Your peers obviously hold you in high esteem and think you’re the man for the job. I think it’s high time you thought the same way about yourself.”

Frank just looked at me warily and grunted. It took him some time to adjust to the idea, but in the end Frank went and had a great time. He discovered that he really enjoyed talking to Congressmen and Senators. It did great things for his self-esteem. Frank was now a changed man. His determination to grow and his willingness to step into new possibilities that were both foreign to his experience and larger than his self-concept gave him something he had never had before, self-confidence.

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